My Past Experiences With Women
Not long ago, I wrote a post about me not being good enough for a girlfriend. The comments I received on that post were interesting, and got me to thinking that I had not shared about my past experiences with Women. I believe that knowing someone's past experiences helps you to understand why the person feels the way they do about something.
In kindergarten I had a girlfriend. Not really but really. As a kindergartener, just having a female friend was like having a girlfriend. But it wasn't anything deep. After kindergarten was over, I never got a chance to interact with her again.
In second grade I kissed a girl on the cheek. I think it was twice. Anyways she was someone that was in my school life until graduation. We never became anything. But to this day, if she sees me she says Hi. Now days she is married and has kids.
Another girl that I also was in kindergarten with, was kind of a friend of mine. Nothing close, but we knew each other. She is much like the girl I kissed on the cheek. When she sees me she still says Hi. Also is married and has kids.
When I was Readiness class, a class that I took because I didn't pass kindergarten, I was diagnosed with a learning disability. Those two girls I mentioned were also in my learning disability class, along with with another one. When the four of us was in second grade, along with another guy, we had to watch the clock the on the wall. When it was time we would all leave our 2nd grade classroom and walk to our special classroom. While we were not close friends, we had something special in common. We all had learning disabilities and thus we had our own little small class.
The friendships we had wasn't anything deep enough to do much outside of the little classroom. Once that class ended, we pretty much just went back to our own separate lives. Even though today, we will say hi to each other, we have no contact with each other. In fact I have only seen Missy 3 or 4 times since I graduated High School in 1999. Larissa (I don't even know how to spell her name without getting out a yearbook but that is close enough for this writing) I only seen once since I graduated from High School. Jessica, the third girl I mentioned, started teaching at the school I clean for. Even though we talked once, after that she wanted nothing to do with me. She continued to teach out of one of the rooms I clean for several years until the school made some changes, and then she moved to another school within the same organization. Despite our history together, I think she was the one that reported me. I guess since I mentioned this, I might as well tell you the story.
Whenever someone at work acted friendly I would do the best I could to maintain that friendship. One teacher was friendly to me and her Husband was also friendly to me. I found out that Him and I liked the same styles of music. I let him barrow some of my CDs. One day she brought back the CD in the wrong CD case. Imagine this, she put my death metal CD in a Christian Worship double CD case, and tried to give it back to me like that. Now how can you mess this up? It was like putting a picture of a skeleton in case that has a beautiful picture of roses on it. Anyways, I set down at her desk to write a quick note asking for the correct CD case back. I think that other teacher saw me sitting there, and reported that I was going through her desk for an hour! The reality was, I had to open the desk drawer to get a pen out. I didn't think it was any big deal. Then someone interrupted me and I had to leave what I was doing to go help them. So it probably appeared that I was in the room for an hour and I wasn't. But anyways I learned my lesson. I stay away from the teacher desks. Anyways believe it or not, that was enough to end that friendship. Later the Husband got a teaching job and we interacted at work, but I never again let him barrow any of my CDs or DVDs.
As a side note, one of crazy things about cleaning the school is this. The teachers will often do weird things, like I described above, and when I got to work around it. I got be careful not to do something that makes me look bad, just cause I'm trying to deal with something they did bad. If you are a teacher, I'm sorry that you had to read that. But that is the way it is at my school. For example, I've had teachers who allowed the kids (3rd graders) to paint on the carpet. Or leave huge sheets of paper in the door way that I had to step over in order to get the trash and sweep the room! That is just two more examples of that happened to come to me.
Getting back to the title of this post.
After I got to the middle of Elementary School years, my interactions with females dropped considerably. I remember in the 5th grade, I happened to be sitting across from a girl who just started talking to me about some of her problems. Then all of a sudden she stopped, and said, "why am I talking to you?" I just shrugged my shoulders. But that was the attitude that most females started having towards me. I wasn't cool enough or something to be spoken too. That same attitude remained until I graduated High School. After that I never saw those people again.
Between 1999-2001 I was active in a small Church. There was one girl there that seemed to kinda like me. Or at least I thought. As it turned out I wasn't good enough for her either. But we had one or two good conversations in those years, and that was that.
2002 - Currently. My only interactions with females are either at work or online. In that time I only had two girls online that I called "girlfriends" Both ended in much the same way. They said, "I no longer feel the same about you". In real life, through an extremely rare circumstance I found myself in, I had gotten into short lived relationship with a girl. She was the kind of person that had a new boyfriend about once a week. They about always broke it off with her. After spending sometime with her, I started to understand why. There is enough information in my brain to write an entire post just about that.
Hopefully this is enough to help anyone who was wondering, why I wrote a post called "I am not good enough for a girlfriend". It is my life experiences that make me feel that way. BTW there is more I could add to this. If I ever feel like it, I might add some more in the comments.
@tryingtosurvive2024
I am just curious, because I have always imagined it to be a perfect situation (though not possible for me): Two people, a woman and a man, belonging to the same church community. They share the same faith, activities, interests (maybe except listening to some nice metal 😉). They share the same views of God, religion, marriage, abortion, birth control etc. Seems like a perfect opportunity to find someone just right for each other. So, why doesn't it work?
And some more general question: You wrote a story of yourself framed in the past. Let's imagine you are writing a novel about this character now. How would you put the story forward? What would happen with the person the story is about? How should he grow or change in the next chapters?
@jacek73 It was a Christian grind core album. If you are curious you call look up Embodyment Embrace The Eternal Album.
YT Link:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_kON_mp-7Utynof2sUm27LxTRy5h6VEi7s
You are asking me some really interesting questions. My brain has a hard imagining the answers to them.
The problem with the Churches I've tried, is that they don't seem to care. For example if I try to approach someone, they behave as if it don't matter. If I wait around, they still don't care that I'm there. If I ask to join a small group, they say that the small groups are full. That is why even my parents stop trying to go to Church anymore. If they were actually friendly like they should be, it would be a great place for me to meet a woman!
@tryingtosurvive2024
Thanks for letting me know.
My very first girlfriend (long, long time ago) belonged to a church group and there were some happily (or little less happily) married couples there. But maybe some of them met and married before joining the group.
It's a sad thing that groups which theoretically should be welcoming to any new members are usually not so open, whether it's Church, 12 Steps, photography or Scrabble players...
I think I have some experience to share about communicating with the opposite sex:
In any case, don't think of the opposite sex as a ‘special gender’. What I mean is that many people think of the opposite sex as special before they even try to make friends with them. As a result, they become overly cautious or overly eager to impress, which of course scares the opposite sex away – although adopting the same approach will also scare away your friends of the same sex.
What I mean is that, in any case, whether or not you are approaching a girl with the intention of dating, you should act like a normal person – just like you would with your friends and family. When you can't think of anything to say, ask about their interests. Or if your interests aren't similar, then just talk about your experiences and stories.
In addition, being proactive and learning to put yourself in other people's shoes is an important part of making friends – even if you're not an extrovert, if you want to get to know other people, then you have to be proactive. Because, if you look at it from the other person's perspective, if they don't take the initiative to meet your needs and you don't want to take the initiative to meet theirs, then making friends is almost impossible.
I say this because I also made a lot of mistakes when I first got in touch with the opposite sex – when I was little, my father always made jokes about me and my friends of the opposite sex, which made me become very cautious or very exaggerated in my approach to the opposite sex, which was annoying. Later, with the help of my friends, I gradually understood how to treat the opposite sex and make friends with them.@tryingtosurvive2024
@Megalodon123 I guess I agree with you. In a perfect world that would work. In my world, I have tried that approach and land flat on my face.