My husband won’t stop talking to his ex
So we got married a few months back. My husband is very very close to his ex. They used to talk twice a day on call, sometimes videocalls, text tiny little details. He introduced her to me as a very close friend. I was not aware that they were this close before the wedding. But I always had a nagging feeling. One day I confronted him and he accepted that she is an ex. But there are no romantic feelings now, she is just very important for him. I tried ti explain him that I am uncomfortable. We have had multiple fights about this. I have even felt like leaving on occasions. He has now reduced his interaction with her but deep down I want him to completely cut her off, which he is not comfortable doing. What should I do. This feeling is taking all my energy. I can hardly concentrate on anything else. I feel constant urge to check his phone. I hate these feelings and I don’t know what to do.
@powerfulTortoise857
Hello, and welcome to 7 Cups!
I am sorry, but as a human and a man I can only say I would fully agree on how angry, disrespected and confused you may feel.
Calling his ex twice a day? Texting her multiple times a day? I guess it would be annoying enough to you if he had phone calls with his mother twice a day, or video calls with his best male friend every day.
If multi-person marriages are not allowed in your country by law, tradition or religion, I fully empathize with you not agreeing to that, too!
@powerfulTortoise857
I hear you, and I want you to know you’re not alone in feeling this way. What you’re experiencing is deeply painful and incredibly heavy it makes so much sense that it’s taking up all your energy right now. When you enter a marriage, you expect to feel safe, secure, and like the most important person in your partner’s life. Having to compete, even emotionally, with a past relationship can feel like a slow, invisible heartbreak.
You are not wrong for wanting to feel prioritised . You are not unreasonable for needing emotional safety. You are not crazy for feeling uncomfortable with their closeness, especially when it was hidden from you in the beginning. Trust needs transparency and protection and it sounds like right now, you’re having to carry the burden of guarding the relationship on your own, which is exhausting.
It’s not just about her it’s about what her presence represents: feeling like second choice, feeling not fully respected, feeling not fully chosen.
You deserve a marriage where you feel at peace, not constantly doubting, worrying, or hurting.
It’s okay to want more. It’s okay to need clear boundaries. It’s okay to say, “I deserve to feel like I'm the priority without having to beg for it.”
Please, be gentle with yourself. Your feelings are real, important, and valid. You are worthy of a love that makes you feel safe, not small.
Sending you strength you’re stronger than you think. And you deserve so much better than constant hurt.
I'm here if you need to talk more.
@powerfulTortoise857
I understand you are confused or unhappy about the situation.
If she is an ex from the past and they found they are better as friends would you ask him to quit call or texting to a male friend? support from a friend is sometimes very valuable as a partner cannot be as objective etc.
Be confident in your marriage and your worth as his partner. He chose YOU. Believe in that, believe in you made the right choice to marry and for the right reasons.
He was honest with you about talking to an her, even if at first he did not tell you the friend was an ex.