My husband yelled in my face yesterday. He's never done anything like this and I'm at a loss.
Hello. I'll just get right into it.
My husband (28M) and I (26F) have been together for 4 years, married for 2. He is a really lovely and considerate person... Normally.
My wedding ring was missing, and I remembered exactly where it was and when I put it there. I handed the ring to my husband because I took it out to clean it, and asked him to put it back where it was. I showed him where it goes. Instead, my husband put it in his pocket and lost it. I got really upset and panicked since we just bought that ring after my old one broke, and asked if he did something with it. Husband got angry and told me no before storming out of our room and slamming the door. I ran after him and told him if he was going to act like that then he needs to leave the house and go cool off because that behaviour makes me feel unsafe. He approached me with uncharacteristic aggression, yelled in my face that it was probably me who lost it, pushed me aside, and left the house.
After everything was said and done, I was terrified. He's never even given a glimpse of this behaviour before, and I come from a long history of abuse. I know what to look for. It was incredibly triggering and he reminded me so, so much of my mother in that moment. My mother was one of my biggest abusers. It's hard for me to look him in the face or talk to him. We somewhat made up and talked about it, he's since apologized because he knew he *** up immediately, but I feel so shattered inside. When he touches me, I instinctively tense up and shake. I have no reason to be afraid of him or act this way aside from yesterday's incident.
I'm not sure how to go about this. We did communicate, he hasn't stopped apologizing and is actively making attempts to rekindle my trust. I feel hollow, empty, and so deeply sad. I keep crying at random and I feel broken. Is this normal? Am I overreacting? I'm at a genuine loss. Any input or just empathy is majorly appreciated. 💚
@dejectedsongbird hi there! i hear you. i can understand how this situation triggered your core wound that was caused to you by your abuser. i am glad that your husband apologized and i can tell that he is being sincere. i also understand that at the moment you feel very tense around him. trauma from abuse can definitely do that when something happens that activates those emotions, especially if they have not been resolved/worked on. you definitely are not overreacting and it is normal for such emotions to rise. <3
One thing people have to realise is that our darkness, is also a true representation of ourselves. Society can be cruel at times, and the person who we believe, could absorb that energy, takes the brunt of it.
That's the usual perception but it can sometimes escalate to issues beyond ones control. But you need to understand that this has no impact on your relationship, and his regret of losing the ring manifested into a form of anger.
But try to ensure that the past does not interfere with the present. Because if you allow the past to mix with the present, it very well will start to overshadow it in due time
@dejectedsongbird,
maybe he just got really upset and felt very guilty about losing the ring.
And his emotions just took over and he took it out on you. Not saying that that is OK, yet it is how people act.
It might help to understand him by stepping in his shoes.