My partner past marriage/relationship
My partner was married and she passed away with his kid a year ago and I know That it must be hard on him, but his family is making it seem like she was the only one for him and that no one else will be better for him and I guess that I feel like he doesn’t acknowledge the fact that she’s gone and when he does, he expects me to be like her and I know I shouldn’t have a problem with him having all her stuff and what not but it feels like he wants to compare me to her and it feels like He doesn’t love me like he loved her and it feels like he doesn’t really have feelings for me. He’s just trying to fill avoid in his life that was missing because I have kids. I have two of them and I feel like he just wants to feel the void that he was supposed to have and I’m not sure what to do. If my feelings about it all is valid or not. I guess I just need some help with that and understand understanding how he must feel but at the same time I want him to understand like what he’s doing and how it makes me feel and I feel bad because I don’t want him to have any of her stuff but at the same time I do and I guess I just I don’tMy partner was married and she passed away with his kid and year ago and I know That it must be hard on him, but his family is making it seem like she was the only one for him and that no one else will be better for him and I guess that I feel like he doesn’t acknowledge the fact that she’s gone and when he does, he expects me to be like her and I know I shouldn’t have a problem with him having all her stuff and what not but it feels like he wants to compare me to her and it feels like He doesn’t love me like he loved her and it feels like he doesn’t really have feelings for me. He’s just trying to fill avoid in his life that was missing because I have kids. I have two of them and I feel like he just wants to feel the void that he was supposed to have and I’m not sure what to do. If my feelings of about it all is not valid or anything. I guess I just need some help with that and understand that I want him to understand how it makes me feel and I feel bad because I don’t want him to have any of her stuff but at the same time I do and I guess I just don’t know what I feel and I’m not sure if he actually wants to be in a relationship with me or not not and I I mean, I want clarity and I guess I don’t know how to communicate that with him but at the same time when I do want to communicate that I feel so much anxiety I feel so stressed and I’m not sure if he actually wants to be in a relationship with me or not not and I I mean, I want clarity and I guess I don’t know how to communicate that with him but at the same time when I do want to communicate that I feel so much anxiety I feel so stressed and I I don’t know if you could help and give me some advice or guidance that would be helpful
@neatMango3570
🥺
I'm so sorry you are struggling.
That is a massive thing for your partner to have gone through.
Such sudden shock and trauma.
It's not fair for his loved ones to compare you both.
And the reality, is, he won't love you the same way, but that's not to say he won't love you.
We have the capacity to live people in different ways.
You deserve to be loved.
And yes, grief leaves us with a void, your partner might need time to readjust to a new way, but you deserve to be heard, respected and desired and cherished for you.
It might just take some time 💕💜
@neatMango3570
It seems like it is very quick for him, and you are probably right he is just trying to fill a void. when we get into a relationship with someone, we need to feel it is US they want not just a replacement.
The comparison to a dead wife is impossible as people always forget they had flaws too. they are put on a pedestal, and it is out of most people reach to break free of that comparison. your kids may fill a void but when he wants a child of his own will they become not as important to him?
@neatMango3570Your feelings are valid. He is still grieving, and that can make him hold onto the past. You deserve to feel loved for who you are. Talk to him using "I feel" statements like "I feel hurt when I am compared to her." Ask him gently what he wants from your relationship. Set clear boundaries about what you need emotionally. Consider getting support from a counselor or therapist. Would you like help writing what to say?
