Newly Married
I’ve barely been married a year. I’m in my mid 30’s and marriage was something I took so seriously so I thought I made the best choice for me. Someone who shares my values and pov on how to raise a family. I’ve moved for him to a new country (which in and of itself is stressful) and now feel quite isolated. Once a month or so we have hard conversations about finances. I grew up quite privileged with the desire to eventually become a stay at home mom. He grew up in a very good family but with a much different financial situation to mine. I love him and his family but he’s extremely critical about what he thinks of my definition of success which is largely hinged on being financially comfortable. I’ve had anxiety most of my adult life but in times like these where our differences are highlighted, it shoots through the roof. I wonder if being in love is simply not enough. I also stress about the thought of divorce. I have panic about the idea of starting over. Missing out on children. I want to talk to my parents about these feelings because they’re my biggest role models but I don’t want to cast a negative light on my husband and create more friction. My parents are happy for me and think he’s great though I suspect they have doubts about his ambitions.
@goldenJar7035
Can this marriage not be successful if you work too? Also , what was the main reason that you decided to marry?
Of course I am willing to work also; I do and have had a successful career though not one I love. But my desire is to provide to my future children the same opportunities I had growing up. I really would love to be home for them and perhaps allow myself the chance to pursue a part time career in something I love.
I decided to get married because my partner is going to be a terrific father. This I have clarity on. We decided to get married because both of us are ready and wanting to start a family. He gave me reassurance when my anxiety flared which gave me a sense of calm. I never had cold feet.
@goldenJar7035
All that sounds good , but when you were growing up inflation were not like the current times . Now usually to support a family , both of the parents needs to work to live a comfortable life.Have you made a list for a month of the things your family have been spending on and what can be minimised. Most of the people where one lives a full time mom usually have a business or high paying job unless it's not possible to survive.
Hi
I have been married for 3 years we had a brake for 6 months we fought over the kids and other stuff started new but all the same problems are still there we both slept with other people he slept with his ex girlfriend of 6 years and yet he still brings mine up and what I did he says mean things to me when he gets mad cause he gets triggered and thinks I am doing *** behind his back and I am not cause it reminds him of his ex and what she did says mean things about my kids and calls me names I am so unhappy I don’t know what to do and I have told him I am up happy please help
Hello goldenJar, is it possible your husband and yourself could reach a compromise?
For example, maybe until you guys save up to X amount of money and are ready for kids/trying for kids, you could transition to a stay-at-home mother so you both get what you want? Would that make you both comfortable?
I also think if you both have different ideas on what you would both like out of marriage...then maybe a marriage counselor or couple's counselor could help from a non-bias view?
I've been to a couple's counselor in the past, but that was with my (abusive alcoholic) ex-fiancé, so it didn't work out...But maybe it could help you guys?
My current partner doesn't mind if I end up being a stay-at-home parent, as I already have one little one from my ex-fiancé. For me, it's very foreign to be a stay-at-home parent. I'm used to supporting my exes and working a lot, but I might consider it. I want to work first once I've fully recovered and save money/buy properties to invest in. We've been communicating a lot back and forth. He said I can choose whichever path I want, whether that's working or staying at home, and he won't force me.
Hi