Not sure if I should fight or give up.
Hey Guys , I'm not exactly sure how to put this in words but I will do my best and may miss a few details.
I was with my now Ex partner for 8 years , she is a little bit younger then myself but it was never a issue.
We lived together from early on in the relationship , I was 25 she was 19 , we moved in together and were together for 8 great years , things appeared in to be be great .
We went to Europe in May/June 2023 and I noticed she was on her phone alot but never questioned it. We got back to Australia from Europe and things felt different, she was distant and cold so I started asking questions to find out if she was okay and what was going on. She said everything was fine and they she was just a bit overwhelmed with life .
About a month later we went camping and she was asleep in our tent and I was awake , her phone was on loud and it kept going off so I rolled over to put it on silent, this is when I seen messages from another guy. For the first time ever in our relationship I checked her phone , I'm not proud about it but my stomach was telling me something wasn't right. I found out they had been talking for months and on an emotional level .
I confronted her about this after she woke up and realised I wasn't in the tent asleep and come to find me .
She agreed to not talk to him anymore and I said I would maybe be able to look past it in time.
This other guy was from her gym(he was a instructor ), and was also a friend of one of her friends who was encouraging them to talk.
The day after my birthday in July she asked me to move out so she could have some space which I did and she wanted to go back to the dating stage of our relationship so we started doing this. Things seemed to be good.
Boxing day 2023 comes around and she then tells me she she needs to find herself and ended the relationship but we were still being intimate , just last week she has now decided she doesn't want to be intimate anymore.
The question is do I now wait and hope she will wake up one-day and miss me / want me back or do I just give up?
I love this girl and would do anything for her but she seems so cold towards me at the moment.
She study's psychology and alot of her responses and very clinical so it's hard to gauge how she is feeling.
Thanks for any help.
@camalamb1990
when you found out ... of course you felt hurt but what was the conversation really like ... did you get answers or just promises or deflections
I am asking because i have been on the other side....
#1 if partner found out of course he will be hurt... but will he change anything that frankly led me to talk with someone else? What kind of discussion happened or was it "quit talking no need to open all doors." ....Did you get the real reason of how or why it happened .. or the standard just happened .... there is a line and when a person chooses to cross it there IS a reason.
My partner does not listen....... jumps to ideas of what he thinks i want ........ it feels as if i am a stand in for his idea of who i am.... or who i want to be .... he lives in the past and I am tired of his attempts to relive what were OK days......... not good ole days.
#2 After years people change.... is her friend encouraging this have issues with you? Or does she just feel different when chatting with him? Was your relationship on auto pilot and you thought all was fine... some seem to think it has been amount of years and that means it is fine. .. Did you notice smiles when on phone? or the time spent on phone WHILE it was happening OR just in hindsight?
#3 if the situation was reversed and you developed a emotional attachment that does not just turn off as easy as blocking a phone contact..... it took time to build a connection it takes time to fade or stop.
#4 it will be hard but if you want any chance deep and painful conversations will need to happen .... the ask you to move back to dating and breaking it off sounds like easing you into it.... but I think you deserve a real conversation of where and when it went wrong and why she felt she could not be honest with you.
Did she move on with him?