On and off

2 years ago i moved to a new country and met this girl. We became more then friends. It was good the few weeks it lasted until i decided to ditch my new group of friends for people a year older. Fast forward she gets a new boyfriend. They breakup and me and her starts takling again and we start to become more then friends. I go on vacation to my Home country and after a while she says she does not like me anymore. This broke my heart because leaving her the first time was a huge misstake because i actually liked her more then any girl i’ve ever liked. And we became normal friends again. She gets back together with her ex and they breakup again. Same story again i go on vacation we talk and she leaves me the same way. We become friends again. Fast forward to now. Same happends again. She breaksup with this guy. We start to talk alot about us and what we could be again. I again go on vacation and she starts talking less again. And i fear it will all happend again. I Get angry and i feel used by her but im unsure because she seemed so much more genuine this time. I do wanna be with her. I tought i got over her a long time ago but every time she comes back all these feelings come rushing back. Everytime this has happend i have gone on a spree on talking and you know what with every girl i could and feel afoul after because i feel like im compensating for what i cant have with her and it makes me so angry. Stressed. Used and i dont know what to do