Opening up
Never told anyone the truth of what I went thru. Being hit and thrown around. Bruises on my arms and legs. Going to see clubs to have a “threesome” so he can be happy but when I would approach girls they new the vibe was off and one girl told me like if I wasn’t comfortable don’t do it and she knew and I never told my ex what she told me and all my ex said was that it’s my fault nothing was happening but I’m so grateful the girl that spoke to and felt my energy that I wasn’t there because I wanted to be. He would message prostitutes and tried to find anyone when we argued to feel better. Me and my ex did meet while I was married and I wish it didn’t happen that way but it did. I did sleep with my ex before I moved with my (now ex) because I felt so bad and felt sad for him? It was wrong but at the time I was just people pleasing and trying to make everyone feel ok. I got my karma back by my ex abusing me physically and threatening to kill me and post my stuff online. It was scary it was. I felt like I couldn’t walk anywhere and I had to look down. Being accused of looking at men etc. I know I did at first but after being hit I didn’t because I didn’t wanna get badly injured or anything. We went once to his dentist appointment and he accused me at looking at the dental assistant but I was just looking around the lobby and he was there next to my ex. I know I have a blame for our issues but I always told him if he never wanted to be with me to tell me and just leave. I didn’t expect to start getting abused or anything. I know if I ever went back( I won’t as of now) I’d be abused again for anything small. I’d have to walk on eggshells and worry about everything that I do that if something night anger him. I know I should see a therapist and I will when I go back home in a few week. My mom is in the military so I’m in another state cuz she’s deployed so I came to her. She is here to fully support me thru this she just doesn’t want me going back. I do admit I will post on my stories to try to see if my ex will stalk me and look and he does. But even if I post he doesn’t even follow me and he messaged me to stop posting stuff that will hurt him but it’s my account like wtf I shouldn’t have to worry about what I post when we aren’t together. He said me posting that I’m wearing leggings it’s hurting him like he’s being controlling while we’re not together. I know that’s wrong. The last messages I received from him was today and he said we will never get back together so ima take that to heart and never send him a message again but I’m scared he’s gonna come back and message me and I’m to scared to block him. Part of me hopes he still stalks me to see how I’m growing without him but idc. I need to make MYSELF happy. I AM the priority. No one else. I just feel guilty to finally focus on myself 😭
Also he said he couldn’t be with me cuz I chose to be here when I left because his mom said I wasn’t welcomed in her home when he said I should’ve known that his mom wouldn’t say anything if I stayed and followed him after the hospital when he tried commiting for “our love”. He lost everything for “us” is what he said. Aka losing our apartment because I worked part time and his car and he blames me. Should I feel bad am I in the wrong?
Priscella,
Firstly, I want to say how incredibly brave you are for opening up about your experiences. It takes a lot of courage to share such painful and personal stories, and I want you to know that you deserve support and understanding.
No one should ever have to endure what you've been through—physical abuse, emotional manipulation, and feeling unsafe in a relationship. It's not your fault. You did not deserve any of the mistreatment you've described. Your ex's actions—like messaging prostitutes and threatening you—are entirely his responsibility and reflect his issues, not yours.
It's understandable that you may feel conflicted or guilty about certain decisions you made, but please know that you were trying to navigate an incredibly difficult and abusive situation. Seeking therapy is a great step towards healing, and having your mom's support is invaluable.
Regarding your ex's behavior after the breakup—trying to control what you post online or making you feel scared to block him—it's important to prioritize your safety and well-being. You have every right to set boundaries and protect yourself from any form of contact that makes you uncomfortable or fearful.
You are absolutely right that your priority now should be yourself and your own happiness. You deserve to focus on healing, growing, and reclaiming your life without fear or guilt. Please continue to lean on your support system and take the steps that feel right for your well-being.
Sending you strength and support as you move forward. Remember, you are not alone in this journey.
Warm regards,