Overwhelmed to the max
My husband of 10 years and I have split. We have bee through so much each of us making mistakes and have hurt each other. I'm hurting so much. I feel so empty. My bat friend is going away. My real love. We had something so good and we both *** it up. I *** hate this *** it's so stupid. We should be ale to overcome anything. Somehow it went from us against them to me against him and vice versa. I don't even know where it all went wrong. Why couldn't I have seen the patterns sooner and *** fixed it. What is wrong with me?!
@CharlieBee1121 Hello. Trying to feel your feelings kind of makes me sense that you are still not indifferent to your relationship. Are you 100 per cent sure everything is lost? Maybe it's not? Maybe it's not the end, but a chance to improve something?
As a person stupidly divorced 20 years ago I would not see it in the categories of "what is wrong with me?", but like an accident, the reasons for which are usually complex.
How far did the breakup go? Have you both tried a couple therapy? Maybe you need some time to rethink your decision about splitting up?
Well there was infidelity on his part and alot more. He's Don worse things than infidelity. He's dryg my name thru the mud and seemingly for no reason other than he is grieving. We lost our son in 2021 he was a stillborn. My ex never felt the emotions. He literally bottled it. I tried talking with him but he refused and I would never force anyone or push someone into grief. I did try to talk with him about how badly it could go if he continued down that path but he didn't want to hear me. I think he resents me and maybe blades me in a way for our baby's death so he's doing things specifically to hurt me. Mind you throughout the entire 10 year relationship infidelity has not once been an issue on either of our parts. I'm know it's not me being naive it just has never been an issue for us and neither has lying or sneaking around or talking bad about one another to other people. We have alway s tried to keep our relationship business as private as possible to avoid any outside influence. We have always had such a living relationship. Never perfect we have been through ALOT together but we have always kept each other close and has ea h others backs. This behavior and situation all together is so out of the blue ad out of character for him even his friends and boss has asked him about what's going on with him. I just don't understand. I don't get why this is happening. If he needed space and some time to figure things out I would have given him that freely without kick back. But the fat that he's saying terrible things about me sometimes to complete strangers only makes me think that he hates me. He wants to hurt me.
@CharlieBee1121
In a relationship it is not just on You to fix something if you did see it sooner.... relationships take 2 and too many think they can run faster/ jump higher/ see the future and smooth things out always .... that is not realistic.
When things go wrong in my world / relationships ... I TRY to recreate what happened and if you do not having a sounding board person say it out loud or write it down like you are telling a therapist. IF i need to edit a lot ... I start to see my part in things clearer. Then i can make a plan on what i would have change or can change on my part ........but I cannot change how the other person reacted ..... i can see clearer how i wanted them to react or where the disconnect happened.
@CharlieBee1121,
there's nothing wrong with you. Sometimes people forget to communicate. We talk but we don't really talk. Sometimes we confront the other, not on purpose, it's like we act as a mirror and bring out things in one another we were not aware of, forgot, or just ignored. I think actually that's a good thing, but if you take being triggered personally, don't step back and ask yourself "what the bleep it going on now in me" and/or ignore it for too long, communication, comprehension, mutual understanding stops.
I learned (too late to try to salvage my marriage) that a relationship requires work, every single day. That you shouldn't take it for granted. That you need boundaries, need to be able to create a safe space for self, and vice versa. In a way going with the flow without being washed away with flows that , often, become unnecessarily big, so big that you almost drown.
Love is a verb, and not many people realize that let alone are willing or capable to act upon that.
Well there was infidelity on his part and alot more. He's Don worse things than infidelity. He's dryg my name thru the mud and seemingly for no reason other than he is grieving. We lost our son in 2021 he was a stillborn. My ex never felt the emotions. He literally bottled it. I tried talking with him but he refused and I would never force anyone or push someone into grief. I did try to talk with him about how badly it could go if he continued down that path but he didn't want to hear me. I think he resents me and maybe blades me in a way for our baby's death so he's doing things specifically to hurt me. Mind you throughout the entire 10 year relationship infidelity has not once been an issue on either of our parts. I'm know it's not me being naive it just has never been an issue for us and neither has lying or sneaking around or talking bad about one another to other people. We have alway s tried to keep our relationship business as private as possible to avoid any outside influence. We have always had such a living relationship. Never perfect we have been through ALOT together but we have always kept each other close and has ea h others backs. This behavior and situation all together is so out of the blue ad out of character for him even his friends and boss has asked him about what's going on with him. I just don't understand. I don't get why this is happening. If he needed space and some time to figure things out I would have given him that freely without kick back. But the fat that he's saying terrible things about me sometimes to complete strangers only makes me think that he hates me. He wants to hurt me.
