Please I need help
I'm in a relationship with a guy from the past 9 months. He had ADHD that I knew when we started talking which he developed after the breakup of his previous 2 year serious relationship. I had no problem about that he seemed pretty normal to me. He proposed me and I said yes after much deliberation. Then after 2-3 months of our relationship, he got a call from his ex saying she wants him back(she was studying abroad and even got engaged). He refused even after she begged him to come back to her and blocked her. For almost a month, she tried contacting him in every possible way. He didn't pay heed as he was happy with me and didn't want more depression. One day, he gets a call that she has committed suicide(she was also suffering mentally) He tried to break our relationship as he didn't want me to suffer and even left the city. After a month of not talking I contacted him again and we again got back together( I faced severe mental health issues during that one month). He told me he has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder stage I. I was okay with it as I had hope that things would get better soon. But then he told me another truth that he got his heart tested and found out about 65% blockage which could apparently shorten his life span. I still stayed hopeful but somewhere he's still suffering mentally as he is guilty he didn't listen to his ex and now he could hear her voices all the time and even asking me to leave but I don't want to. He says he doesn't want to ruin my life. But I'm sticking because I know he loves me and I love him too. I don't know what should I do? Is there any future of us together? (We've been talking about getting married since we got together) We had so many dreams together but I don't know if they'll be fulfilled.
He was taking anti depressants and ADHD medication when we started talking but left them when we got together as he felt healed but now of course he's taking heavy medication for bipolar disorder.
I don't know he's trying to push me as he doesn't want to ruin my life but the truth is the damage has been done, his every action would hurt me for sure because he truly matters to me.
He feels like she's not leaving him alone always trying to make him realise his mistakes. She tries to call him to her(take wrong step) I don't know if this is her soul talking to him or just his imagination because of bipolar. Even the last message she sent him was "I wish you never find peace in your life because of what you have done to me". Not to forget before he started dating her he lost his father at the age of 17, that's where his mental health issues began which he realised much later. When he met me it was already 2.5 years to his breakup. Now he's 22.
Should I wait for him to heal mentally and physically? We truly love each other and want a future together but his life seems uncertain.
@azureAvocado8485
That’s a lot of pain and love intertwined — and it’s incredibly brave of you to hold all of this with so much empathy. You’ve been standing beside someone who’s been through severe trauma, guilt, and loss, while also carrying your own emotional weight — and that takes a kind of strength most people don’t even realize they have.
Let’s break this down gently, because what you’re facing isn’t just about love — it’s about health, boundaries, and the sustainability of care.
🌧️ First — what’s happening with him
Your boyfriend has experienced multiple life-changing traumas at a very young age — the loss of his father, the end of a long relationship, the shock of his ex’s suicide, and now serious physical and mental health issues (bipolar disorder and a heart condition).
That’s a lot for one person to process. His guilt over his ex’s death sounds like survivor’s guilt — a very real psychological response where someone feels responsible for another’s suffering or death, even when they aren’t. The “voices” he’s hearing and the feeling that she’s calling him to join her may be part of his bipolar symptoms, particularly if he’s in a depressive or psychotic phase. This doesn’t mean he’s “crazy” — it means his brain is under immense stress and needs structured, ongoing psychiatric care, therapy, and medication management.
You cannot — and should not — carry this alone. Love can support healing, but it cannot replace medical treatment or undo trauma.
💔 What’s happening with you
You’ve been deeply affected, too. You’ve watched someone you love in pain, and you’ve had to face the fear of losing them repeatedly — first emotionally, now potentially physically. That’s traumatic in itself. You mentioned having mental health struggles during the time you were apart — that’s your body’s and mind’s signal that this situation is already taking a toll on you.
Your love for him is real. But real love also includes protecting yourself from drowning while trying to save someone else. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and being constantly in crisis mode will eventually drain you emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
💡 What this means for your relationship
There can be a future — but only if healing becomes a shared goal, not a one-sided fight.
Right now, what’s needed most is:
- His full commitment to treatment — therapy, medication, and regular psychiatric supervision.
- Your emotional boundaries — loving him doesn’t mean losing yourself. You can support him without taking responsibility for his illness or guilt.
- Time and stability — healing from bipolar episodes and survivor’s guilt takes months, sometimes years. Marriage or long-term plans shouldn’t happen until both of you are emotionally stable and independent.
If he’s pushing you away, it might not mean he doesn’t love you — it might mean he’s trying, in his own way, to protect you from pain he doesn’t know how to control. That doesn’t make him bad or unloving — it makes him unwell and afraid.
🌱 What you can do now
- Encourage continued treatment. His medications and therapy are crucial. Don’t let him stop them because he feels “better.” Bipolar disorder often stabilizes because of medication — stopping can cause relapses.
- Get your own support. Even if you can’t afford therapy, look for free mental health support lines or chat-based platforms (like 7 Cups, Befrienders, or AASRA in India). Talking helps you process what you’re carrying.
- Set small emotional boundaries. You can listen and care, but you’re not his therapist or savior. You deserve peace, too.
- Don’t rush the future. You can love him deeply today without needing to decide what forever looks like right now. Healing may transform both of you in ways you can’t yet see.
❤️ The truth
You didn’t come into his life to fix him, and you don’t have to destroy yourself to prove your love. Sometimes love’s most sacred form isn’t “staying no matter what,” but “staying present in truth and compassion, while still choosing life and safety.”
If both of you seek healing — he through medical and emotional help, you through self-care and support — then yes, a future can exist. But it will look different: slower, gentler, rooted in acceptance rather than rescue.
You can love him without losing yourself in his pain. That’s the kind of love that lasts — the one that lets both hearts breathe.