Possible Divorce After Almost 6 Years of Marriage
Hello, my name is Kevin. My wife and I recently separated. She said she wants a divorce, and does not want to be my wife anymore. We have been separated in the past. But she always came home after she had some space. Her mom says she really thinks that she does not want a divorce. I don’t know though. We got into a big fight a couple days ago. We both said some hurtful stuff. I instigated a lot though, and I take full responsibility of the nasty stuff I said. After that fight, she left and took the kids. Nothing physical happened, and never will. It’s just when we get into these fights, we both tend to push each other‘s buttons. We have two beautiful boys. She took the kids with her. My whole world is flipped upside down. I know I need to change and work on myself. I also need my family though. This is so tough for me. I can’t concentrate on anything right now. I’m not contacting her right now, to give her some space. If someone could give me some advice, or have been through the same thing, I would really appreciate it.
@RisingPheonix2424
Learn to "fight" / discuss better and effectively. We did the leave for space and come back over and over were ready to leave.
I say this because I used to go to saying the few things I KNEW would cut the deepest... that would hurt partner the most. We were trying to "win" arguments, NO one wins .. it is about sharing our feelings and issues.
I advocate the " I Feel" statements one because it takes me a moment to compose what i am saying and 2 they can not argue how you feel.
Example if i said "you always do X " verses "I feel you do X ....many times and we should be able discuss it" the first put partner on defense the second they had to consider. it also had partner re=evaluate ... we can now have productive discussions.
Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it. I really need prayers. She is willing to see me at church tomorrow.