Question about being used
So if someone "volunteers" you to do something for them without consulting you in any way and expecting you to just do the thing they volunteer you for would you consider that a form of using someone?
The answer is basically yes but changes with respect to bond with the person
@wrencher88
what type thing are they volunteering you for ?
Some may volunteer others for things they themselves do not want to do ......or to gain favor with whomever they are helping by providing you as a "volunteer".
Either way this is using you and no matter how many times you do this for them it will not get respect from them.
It's actually a friend of my wife that did this to her. It's by far not the first time he's done this but I can't make her see it.
@wrencher88
Until a person sees they are being used i do not think others can convince them.
maybe if your wife can show them the person volunteering them is doing it for their own selfish reasons. and to Volunteer is a choice by the person not someone else for the person.
@wrencher88
For me the answer is: it is clearly manipulative and abusive. But what could you do about your wife to stop giving permission to that?
I believe most people might be slightly, but not repeatedly, tolerant to be forced to such actions when the matter regards wellbeing of their relationship or family.
Some people are really allergic to the slightest form of abuse, especially while during therapy which is working on anger/trauma issues.
If someone is letting to be manipulated like this, I would think he or she might suffer from a low self-esteem, fear of being rejected and/or their natural boundaries were broken, for example by overly dominant and abusive parents or becoming co-dependent.