Recently ended a toxic relationship, not sure what’s next
I have never posted here so Hi!
I don’t know where to seek support so I am trying anywhere I can. I am too embarrassed to talk to friends or family right now.
3.5 weeks ago I ended an abusive relationship. I spent years isolating myself from my supports because I knew if I told people the truth of what was going on they would suggest I end the relationship immediately. I was so manipulated into thinking I was the problem and I needed to fix everything and I kept trying and no matter what changes I enacted or anything positive I did, the abuse only unfortunately escalated over time. I didn’t want to be told to leave even though I think I knew all along that I needed to.
I guess I just want someone to talk to or to hear from someone who gets it. I feel lost and every day I get even more angry just remembering the horrible things he put me through and how I continued to tolerate it.
I am completely overwhelmed by all of the traumatic memories and I don’t know how to cope. I have journaled a lot but it is only helping so much. I am still not ready to talk to friends or family. I am on a wait list for a therapist as I had to uproot my life and move states away to escape the relationship.
Thanks if anyone reads this. I would appreciate any kind words or words of support. I am struggling and just don’t know where to go right now.
Hi @bestOwl8020, welcome to the 7cups community and thank you for sharing.
I'm sorry to hear you were in an abusive relationship, but want to ensure you are acknowledged for having been able to leave it. This is not an easy task, so please be kind to yourself during this transition period. I am here to talk to you so you feel less alone.
@bestOwl8020
I totally get your apprehension to tell others ...
When we are told we should do this or that we tend to dig our heels in and it may actually prolong your decision making process. we also do not want to play would've and could've scenarios. It is what abusers do to convince us we are the issue and try to make it so we will NOT contact any support system.
Congratulations on being one of the few who really escaped.
many do not many are stuck in the loop of shame and confusion.
@bestOwl8020 Hii, I have been in this scenario. Believe me. The manipulation you go through is so intense, you lose your decision making ability and completely rely on the abuser. You want their approval cause you think your thought, words, actions maybe wrong if you don't run it by them. It's just so toxic, completely holds you in a tight grasp.
It took me a lot of courage to step out of this. It was great deal of pain, anger and panic when I left. Constant thoughts came across my mind, did I do something wrong again? I mean how can stepping out of such toxic relationship be wrong, years of manipulation led me to think this.
Trust me you are on the right path. Time is the biggest healer of all. You will get through this, I know, I got through, and I am a very weak person, I am sure you are way stronger than me. I was in this toxic relationship for 2 years, felt like wasted two years, but life is all ups and downs, and this is one the greatest "ups" of your life. You are gonna be well! Cheers! 😇
I am also available if you wanna talk more!!