Relationship Doubts - Am I Normal?
I kindly request that those who choose to read my thread practice compassion - thank you very much for your time in advance!
I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year and a half. It feels pretty serious, but as we edge closer to “taking the next step”, my doubts are creeping up. There are so many things I love about him, and in general feel that we are a good match. We have the same world view, same beliefs, same goals. We have similar interests, and our friends and family get along. But I still have doubts. I often find him irritating for no reason and start to ruminate, but I can usually talk myself down and bring myself back to reality.
I have always felt very independent and don’t feel the “can’t eat, can’t sleep, shoot for the stars” kind of lovey feelings. It’s not that I don’t love him, it’s that I’ve never felt that lightening strike kind of love that I think you are supposed to feel. I haven’t felt that way about anyone I’ve dated, and the strongest feelings that I have had were unreliable because they were unrequited or for emotionally unavailable men. I also think I may be on the asexual spectrum (but I am not aromantic). He knows this and is ok with it.
I tend to think that my doubts about him are a way for me to feel in control. I’m very nervous about getting more serious and not being to control the outcome and/or afraid I will lose my independence. Is this normal or do I need to pay attention to these doubts? I’m not sure how much weight to put on them. Does the fact that I haven’t felt the lightening strike mean I need to keep looking?
@RubySky582 the lightening strike rdosent mean much rather the loyality , respect and proper communication is something that usually creates the lightening strike . whatever you have begin to ruminate about . write down all the reasons on a page( not here) and see if its possible to solve those with your boyfriend ( if even 60% can be expected to be solved with being with your gf its more than enough).
@RubySky582
I think so many have doubts as things progress in a relationship ...it is hard to be sure in people as they change in time.
the idea of the lightening strike moment seems more of a romance novel/ movie moment and i think each person experiencing a feeling they cannot really explain. hence the idea of lightening strike or something which gives the wrong impression to others that may have their own feeling they cannot explain but was not fireworks but more of a calm feeling of peace.
when you do start thinking about small items and then talk yourself down from overthinking about it.... like the other poster said write those down and really think about it. because often it is small annoyances that become more and more an issue. when things do not go well it is small habits or things that will drive people crazy....
going down your list of views and goals etc sounds like you are looking at it like a job interview instead of a life partner. in a marriage or commitment people change and should challenge the other IMO and when they do not it can get very boring.