Relationship advice
Anonymous post….
Hi everyone i am having horrible anxiety issues and i need your opinion for this issue that happened to me yesterday. 🚨
I have been in a relationship with this german guy for almost a year now. I am a bit jealous i have to admit it he is more relaxed.
But this is what happened In December i got told from my manager that i could take holidays for this year and i asked him if we could do something together as i always take him as a consideration on this kind of stuff because we both like to travel and his job it is more flexible. He told me i could take them in February and we could go to the carnival in Brazil and also to visit Argentina because that is where i come from ( he lived there long time ago because he was doing a master and his ex girlfriend is from there and also other girls he have something with and he still have some on his ***) well my reaction when he said that was really bad as I don’t feel like going to carnival where everyone drinks a lot and there are a lot of half naked girls around so i told him that i didn’t want to also the flights were expensive and he said “ok it was just an idea that doesn’t mean i will go”
Some days after that he came up with the topic saying 2 of his friends were pushing to meet there with him (one is from Brazil and the other one from Canada) again I reacted really bad saying that I already told him I don’t want him to go there because of the reason i said before plus he still have some of those girls on his *** and if they see he is there they will probably text him and blah blah and i said “ this topic it is closed for me I don’t want to talk about it anymore “ and he was like ok ok i understand but i would like you to have more trust on me.
After all this i started to feel insecure about it thinking he really wanted to go and i was afraid he will do it and for some reason yesterday i saw his note pad on his desk and i opened it. The first thing i read it was “Rio Flight Book” i got crazy!! So i decided to check his laptop to confirm this and i find flights booked for February and hostel, everything on the 30th of November (when the first time he came up with the topic was in December!!!! So when he came back to the apartment (his apartment as we don’t live together) i told him everything crying my eyes out in a completely panic attack. He explained me that he was afraid to tell me because of my reaction and he was really sorry about the lie and he understood i was *** off and he couldn’t stop to say sorry explaining that he booked it one day that his friend called him telling him the flight were cheap and they were pushing plus he could joined in a portuguese course that his company could help to pay and basically the whole trip will cost him less, plus he will not go there to do anything with any girls that i need to trust him and blah blah.
I feel super confused now and sad as for the lie and also for the fact that he is going there and i will be here getting crazy not knowing what is he doing. He also said he completely understands me and he was deeply sorry but i cannot stop his freedom.
So honestly idk what do to… atm i just want to end the relationship because i deeply hate him and love him at the same time because i know he is a good person and he loves me and i could also tell he was sorry and he lied because he didn’t know how to tell me before afraid of my reaction. But at the same time i feel i won’t be able to trust him anymore and also i feel he was selfish thinking only on what he wanted to do without asking me.
Please help me with advices!!! 😢😢😢😢 thank you!! 🙏🏻
@sensibleKite2777 thank you so much for sharing this with the community. :)
i hope you manage to get the best possible support!
@sensibleKite2777
This seems like a really difficult situation for you. Sorry to hear that. I can’t give any relationship advice since I haven’t been in one for a long time. But what I can say is, trust your gut instinct. Fun fact, human’s brain has an instinct for dangers and threats. I don’t think anyone can tell you whether to end the relationship or not since we have no idea who he is. You probably know him well enough. So try to reevaluate what he’s done before and weigh whether it’s worth it to end the relationship. Make sure to prioritize yourself yeah! 💕
I can relate a lot to the last part, your trust being broken, then saying they're sorry, and then the comment about their freedom really hits home.
I do think if you are in mutual relationship, a serious one, then decisions should regard one another.
As far as what to do, I don't know either except to give yourself some time and grace to figure out what you really want.
If you want to continue, and communicate your feeling and move forward, or if you feel like this not worth it and you just can't, voice it and whatever happens, happens.
No matter what, know you are going to be ok and you are worth it.
Best of luck to you. 🧘♀️✨
@sensibleKite2777 Uff, yes. This sounds like a tough situation. I think there might be a few different things going on here.
1. lack of transparency and openness creates trust issues; this is happening in your situation in a couple of ways perhaps. Firstly, because he booked the flights without informing you, obviously. Secondly, also because I sense there is some insecurity around his relationship with other women. Do you feel uncomfortable with his relationships or interactions with other women? Is there anything that has happened that has made you feel this way? Is he open about female friends? Or does he hide these things? To sum up: lack of healthy transparency and openness allows for trust to strengthen.
2. there is probably also some element to this about your imagination. It's easy to imagine scenarios in our heads of what our partners might do that would upset us. This doesn't really help anything at all, though. It's better to worry about the here and now (i.e. focusing on the trip, why the secretive booking creates some issues, and then whatever underlying issue there is about his behavior with other women--if any).
3. another person also mentions intuition. I would say don't discount this, but also try to be self-aware enough to consider if you have a pattern of jealousy.. and what the triggers or causes of these jealousy issues were. Sometimes we have been jealous in the past, but the reason was justified because our partner was not engaging appropriately. Do trust your gut, but use your head to think about what it's telling you.
@wittyBlueberry9954 Ooops, there is no edit. Lack of transparency allows for the erosion of trust (not growth).
