Relationship/parenting
I am really struggling right now. My children's father and I have be together for 9 years. Our children are almost 4 and 2. I feel like we are stuck in a cycle of leaving and hurt and then getting back together to try again. Each time things are better and then they get worse. This last time he has cheated on me. I dont think I can do this any more. I dont know how to talk about co parenting. I love and care about him deeply but I just don't think love is enough now. I also don't want to mess up and my kids be hurt in the process. My daughter already doesn't understand why her mother and father dont live together. Every time she says she misses her dad its like being stabbed in the heart. I feel like may e I haven't tried hard enough and like I've failed my kids. I do t want to make any wrong moves and I feel like I cannot breathe.
@inkymushroom1922
being miserable to stay for kids is not the answer ... so many people try and try and each time it fails it gets harder and harder to justify.
i know many kids want their parents together when small but as the grow they see dysfunction and it will effect their relationships.
I am just so worried I'm making the wrong decision. The whole situation hurts and if it hurts this bad can it be right? When things are they are good and when things are not its very petty. I feel like I express my needs completely and he doesn't speak to me on his feelings even when I ask about his wants and needs he merely says he's fine. So then I think maybe its all in my head I get to thinking that maybe I'm the problem here. Do I just settle I'm comfortable enough and I do love him id do anything to make things work but then I wonder if thats fair to anyone.
@inkymushroom1922
Only you know what is right for you.... but walking on eggshells and hoping it is a "good" day is no way to live.
Petty is a sign he is not sharing with you what is wrong in his mind. expecting you to guess or just appease him is selfish and mean ....... communication is key..... the good then petty then good pattern is something your kids will view as normal later ... would you like their future to be this when they marry?
you kids are small now they might not remember the stress and up and down they can feel now.
I agree. I can say I am easily manipulated as I only want go things to happen and would break my back bending over backwards if it meant not having to come to a confrontation the people pleaser in me is screaming. I am not sure how to heal. I wouldn't want my children to be in that sort of relationship which is where my wanting to break the cycle really started.
@inkymushroom1922
I was you a people pleaser...... I thought people would like me so much always bending over for them it would be all good but really people only care when they get their way. they know you will do it and you become a mark
they did not respect me.... it takes courage and self respect to put foot down / make boundaries and say NO. i have never met a former people pleaser say "they regret changing".... but many say "why did i wait so long " confrontation no one likes but it is a part of life and sometimes you need to stand up for yourself and family.
If you want to try counseling find a person who will see his BS and call him on it and you have the strength ALL moms do to say no more.
This has really helped and I would just really like to say thank you so much for listening and helping. I am afraid ill relapse as I have in the past and be willing to try again I'm not sure how to handle that yet but hopefully I'll get there. I've said I'd like to go to counseling but he has refused so really I suppose that's that. All he says is well why do we need that for we can communicate to which I point out we don't even when I've expressly stated wants/needs. So yeah thats that I suppose.
