Relationshipy Long Distance
Hi! New here. Mind boggled. Long story short (if you have the morbid curiosity to keep reading):
I live overseas and the woman I've been speaking to for the past couple years lives near my homeland where I plan to move back to next year where we might meet for the first time and start something new.
We both really care about each other but have never had anything exclusive, because she happens to be living with her fiance still. Except, she refers to him as her "roomie" (aka roomate) (aka no intimacy, sleeping in separate bedrooms, etc) but she wants him gone (it's her house) but is too afraid to officially end it with him, and also says there's things she's liked about having him in her life despite the bad. However she claims to love me and says she wants to part ways with him soon but doesn't know when, or how. I am very emotionally mature, so I say "look, do it for you, not for us.." etc etc. She says things like we will meet next year but can't until she sorts out her situation.
She got quite jealous a few months ago when she saw I had made some certain comments on another woman's online post. But admitted she had no right to get angry about it considering her situation. Fair call. However I had a lady friend over recently visiting and she got funny about that too. We talk every single day and send each other Christmas gifts.
I guess my question is, what do I do with this? How do I unpack this? Should I feel committed to her? She's a beautiful, sweet woman and I want to commit to her one day but why do I feel guilty about even thinking of other women? How do I deal with this situation? I'm in no rush but, I also don't wanna wait another 2 years for her to make a decision... Should I feel obligated to be loyal? To keep waiting?
Thanks in advance x
@catman333
you probably should have set out those boundaries early on.... but with that said no you do not owe her exclusive if she is still not dealing with her roommate/ fiance ..... too many of these long distance things seem to be that way .... of oh we are just friends etc but secretly they are living two lives....
People often also get very nervous in the meeting in real life ...worried if reality will change anything
perhaps because you Can put your best out there for a long distance and leave out anything not flattering. I think in general women tend to get jealous faster but if all you did was comment on someones post that seems to be very possessive for a person who is not making plans on excavating her "fiance" out the door.
@toughTiger6481 Hi, thanks for your message. I think we tried setting boundaries in the beginning (she mentioned she has to sort out her stuff before starting anything new) however we still kept talking everyday and here we are 2 years later talking about meeting up and being together one day.. but yeah, she's made no concrete plans and doesnt know when she will be leaving her current situation... Sometimes it feels like a fantasy but she stills gets, yeah, a little possessive of me when she has no right to. My message to the other girl was asking her for a coffee as she is local.
@catman333
It sounds like you're in a complicated situation with the woman you've been speaking to for the past couple of years. It's understandable that you might be feeling confused and unsure about how to move forward.
First and foremost, it's important to remember that you are not obligated to feel committed to this woman if you don't want to. You have the right to make decisions about your own life and what you want for your future. If you're not sure about how you feel, it might be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own feelings and what you want for your future.
It's also important to communicate openly and honestly with the woman you're speaking to. It's okay to express your concerns and to ask her about her plans and intentions. This can help you understand her perspective and decide if you want to continue pursuing a relationship with her.
Ultimately, the decision is yours to make. Trust your instincts and do what feels right for you. It's okay to take your time and not feel rushed into making a decision. Take care of yourself and focus on what makes you happy.
