Retroactive Jealousy
@paytonmrtnsn
Hello, and welcome to 7 Cups!
The first three questions I would probably ask to myself being in such circumstances are:
Is my girlfriend a different person now than she used to be in her stories from the past?
How this person makes me feel? I mean: does her attitude towards me and in various social situations make me feel safe and secure, and like I could believe her and trust her?
Is there any anxiety inside me, causing that I am not comfortable with relationships at all, making me not convinced about this particular person, or maybe even sabotaging my relationship?
In my view people make mistakes and people change. But gaining trust to someone, especially if you had been mistreated before, might be a complex process.
@paytonmrtnsn
Idk what retrospective jealousy means but I'm struggling with my girlfriend's past. Like I have a *** load of my own past too but somehow I dealt with it.
But her past is eating me more. And it's not even in my hands. Idk if this is how you are feeling too. But I felt like an outsider in my own relationship. It do links with my past experiences too coz they was a same thing happened before but this suffocates me.
What are you actually facing?
Honestly after reading what people have to say it seems like it’s more of a confidence issue. Not feeling like I’m worthy enough for her. Thinking her past relationships were better than me and I’m not good enough. It’s hard cause you can’t just be more confident it takes so much time to build that characteristic and it’s so hard to when you’re feeling this way
@paytonmrtnsn
The past relationships being better in what area? There must be a reason your girlfriend is with you know. What is more, there might have been some reasons why her "ideal" past relationships no longer exist?
Yes. Getting your self-esteem and self-respect back might be hard, but it is not like trying to make a diamond out of timber - I think it is more like reminding a wounded bird how to fly.
@paytonmrtnsn
Idk what retrospective jealousy means but I'm struggling with my girlfriend's past. Like I have a *** load of my own past too but somehow I dealt with it.
But her past is eating me more. And it's not even in my hands. Idk if this is how you are feeling too. But I felt like an outsider in my own relationship. It do links with my past experiences too coz they was a same thing happened before but this suffocates me.
What are you actually facing?
