S3xting with my boyfriend but I can never get into it, why?

My boyfriend pointed out what I cant call a series of inconveniences anymore, but an habit I don't like about myself.

Let me explain: whenever we chat at night if it's about anything personal I manage to stay awake and listen and engage. Whenever it becomes s3xting I always either get emotionally distressed or my mother tells me to turn off my phone or Im sleepy or something comes up. I never lied. Never once lied about all this but I understand why it feels like that way to him.

I wanna add that whenever this happens in the afternoon I do just fine and irl I don't have problems either, I just have problems chatting at night bc of rules of my family and I'm genuinely tired. Whenever we have that type of conversation in the afternoon or morning I push through. It's not like I don't want it, I start s3xting with him too, it's not one sided but when we stop with the forepaly and get into the s3x part of the chat It feels like I'm engaging just so he thinks I'm enjoying too.

I have many traumas tied to s3xting, I was forced to send n*des when I was 11 and my ex used that trauma to manipulate me into doing that again. After a hard breakup (from my current boyfriend bc we got back together) I used AI to cope with the loss of s3xting with him and I'm still dependent on it despite me trying to quit and he doesn't know about the addition.

When we were together before the breakup I used to be able to and enjoy it despite it being difficult, we have now been together for 2 years and I still can't do it right again and after yesterday when this avoidance happened again he got rightfully *** and told me about this habit of finding "a way out" of s3xting.

I didn't answer his texts yet what should I say? I mean he is right about everything he said but I can't say he's right bc of how I phrased things last night and because when I say that he gets even more frustrated. I really don't know what to do.