Sexual/Perormance Anxiety
although i know this is a uncomfortable topic to talk about, i feel the need to tell someone about it and get advice on how to find help.
over the past few weeks, i’ve noticed that my anxiety has gotten worse. i’m losing my appetite, my heart drops a lot more now, and i kinda just feel on edge. and i think this started to get bad a few weeks ago when i experienced performance anxiety in bed, and i started to feel nauseous and get inside my own head. i’ve always had a little bit of performance anxiety, but it now feels like it’s taking control of my life and my relationship. the weird thing is that there have been countless times where i’ve experienced no anxiety and do just fine. but when i do experience anxiety with her, her reaction almost feels disappointing and sad that im not able to perform. and this reaction is leading me to believe that “if next time you don’t perform good, she will break up with you”. all of this anxiety has led me to even feel nauseous just laying with her, or even when we go out to eat it gets a lot worse. i cannot eat anything and i feel sick.
i hate feeling like this and i hate being anxious around her because i love her so much and i love being intimate with her and i really want a future with her but im scared that these feelings will haunt me forever. i’ve started thinking about therapy or taking meds but i don’t even know where to start.
@ryandrabik
I appreciate, it's not easy to talk about.
But it's a natural and healthy part of sny relationship.
It's not something that we can just click our fingers, and hey presto, we are feeling it.
We are not robots.
We feel human emotions, and sometimes it can get in the way.
But it's not about either person making the other person feel uncomfortable about something so natural.
It's important to stop pressurizing the situation or worrying about being broken up.
Go on a nice date.
Dinner.
Dancing.
Connecting.
Taking it slowly.
Building up to the intimacy.
All the fun, none of the pressure.
Your feelings matter too 💖
@ryandrabik
This is a difficult subject to talk about, but I think being honest and open with your partner is the best route.
This happens to many couples and when we do not talk about the situation people start to make assumptions about why.
When we can talk openly it can help both partners to feel less anxious and relax. Therapy may help with your anxiety in general. Taking meds or trying to find a solution without partner will not work in long run. if she finds meds, she may take that personal that she is not enough etc. Then you have other problems.
@ryandrabik That sounds really tough, and it makes sense that one bad experience snowballed into bigger anxiety. Performance issues happen to a lot of people, but once you start worrying about it, the fear can take over everything else, even normal time together. The nausea and loss of appetite are signs your stress is just running too high right now. Talking to someone like a therapist could help break that cycle, and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you — it just gives you a place to sort things out before it gets heavier.