Short term relationship
I started dating my friends sister in law. She had been spit from her ex for roughly a year. Her ex is my friends brother. They have two kids and were together for some time. We went on dates for a month and decided to make things official. I fell hard and fast. I thought she was ready to move on at first. She wanted to take it slow with introducing me to her kids and I understood that. We could only see each other every Tuesday and every other weekend. The next couple months, I noticed she was less affectionate. We made plans to spend valentines together and she cancelled. It made me sad but she wanted to take her kids to school. The next day, she posted something about her daughter and tagged her ex, the comments from him seemed friendlier than something amicable. I asked a couple if I should break up with her or take a break. I started to realize she wasn’t ready. We talked the night before Valentine’s Day and she mentioned she was talking to him more and more the days we weren’t together. She said I was further along in the relationship than her. She also said that when she told her ex she was seeing someone, he confessed his love and wanted her back. We decided to take a break and the next day she broke up with me. She said I was helpful in helping her heart heal and she needed to fix herself because she was broken. I didn’t want to convince her against her decision. I went no contact for two weeks.
a few days later I talked to my friend, the ex’s brother and he said that his brother would never change. I felt like I put best self out and got rejected. Like my best wasn’t good enough and I was excited about this relationship. I reached out yesterday to see if she was doing ok and to see if she might want to get coffee. She said that she talked to her ex and they might want to work things out. I replied and said, you and someone very close to him, know he won’t change. If she needs someone to talk to, to reach out.
I don’t know what to do. I think the answer is move on but she only told me that she doesn’t want to hurt me.
@jefforo
You have your feelings for her... and it is often that an EX might pay more attention or hint at getting back together when they see their ex move on..... his brother feels he will not change and perhaps he won't but waiting for that to happen or pick up the pieces will not make your relationship stronger.
It sucks to have unrequited feelings but it might be for the best for you to move on... I never think being in love and sharing feelings with someone is a mistake and yes sometimes we get hurt but in the end the saying ......" better to love and lost then to have never loved".... is true
Thanks for the insight. It’s been hard for me to want to move on. As time moves, I know it’s the best option. She is a great person and I hope she finds my words to come from care and not with bad intentions.
It sounds like you are going through a rough patch. It is hard to let someone go when you have strong feelings for them. Especially when you can see that they might walk into ‚a mistake‘ or something bad. You want to find all the reasons why you should hold on to them and may say to yourself that if you wait just a bit longer they‘ll come around. We may also start to put a lot of weight on the words that they say, hoping that they will choose us nonetheless.
You still care about her well-being which is very honorable, but the most important person to take care about is yourself. And it seems like you already know what you need to do. Unfortunately we can’t turn off our feelings and emotions in an instant. We can only try to shift our focus and perspective… maybe it helps to ask yourself questions like: How did you feel when she was less affectionate towards you? Was she transparent from the beginning? How did you feel when she cancelled your plans on valentines day? What were you thinking when she told you that she said she was talking with her ex more and more? How did she treat you throughout all these months? What is something you wished she would‘ve done different?
Hope this helps a bit🙏🏽
@MariposaDeLaLuna7
I have definitely put weight in those words, and hold hope. I have been ignoring my well being because I don't want her to make that mistake. I think it is a part of my nature to worry more about others than myself. I am trying to focus on myself but hope or memories take over. I have answered some of those questions before. I want to revisit them though, with a clearer mind set.
Thank you for responding :)
It is defintifely not easy, I‘m experiencing something similar right now and what helps me is to be honest with myself and telling myself that if someone doesn‘t value me or appreciate me and the things I do, i don‘t have to try to convince them by offering more of what they already not appreciate in the thirst place.
Maybe it can also help to think about what you would say to your friend if he would be in this situation.
🙏🏽
@MariposaDeLaLuna7
I will try this. Thank you! I hope all is well!
@jefforo,
sounds like a rebound relationship. She needed someone and you were there. You helped her, as she said, and I'm sure she's grateful for that.
And that's it, nothing more, nothing less. Let is be.
You could be right. It didn’t feel that way since there was one other person before me, although it wasn’t serious. I didn’t get that feeling until after we broke up, that it was a rebound and didn’t dwell on it. She didn’t seem to be that type of person. But my feelings are probably making me think of ways to avoid feeling like a rebound. I’m not going to try and beg her to come back, her ex has taken over her emotions.
