Should i stay or should i go?
So my wife an I have been together 3 years and married 1. We have kids from previous relationships and have typically co parented well with our exs. Unfortunately our issues lie within. I have depression and anxiety, and cptsd and my wife has bipolar, cptsd, and anger problems. Every time my wife becomes overwhelmed or overstimulated she takes it out on me completely. She snaps on me or talks down to me like a child. I have excused and remained patient and understanding as she later apologizes however lately I have been reacting verbally back. I dont like the way she speaks to me and when I address it or get upset she becomes even more on defense. Based on our relationship and patterns I have noticed when we talk, she gets her point across and when I try and explain why I became upset she flips it and makes me feel bad and apologize without taking accountability for her actions. Its the "im sorry, but this this and this" approach. She doesnt take accountability and excuses her actions meanwhile I have been trying hard to make changes on my end. When her and I began dating I was a bad alcoholic. However since I have quit alcohol completely and have been sober for almost a year now fully. I have been putting in the work to be better however I feel we are stuck in this pattern. I just want peace without ruining my children's lives. They love each other and grew up together. I love my wife but I dont love her behavior when she is overwhelmed or doesnt get her way. When I address it I feel its dismissed or she becomes angry, and shuts down or flips it. I cant continue the pattern of complete disrespect and disregard to my feelings. I want to make it work but I feel crazy like, like am I wrong for responding and getting upset? I feel its my fault for not being more patient. We have had our fair share of arguments and I feel like after them all I just dont know where to go or what to do. Doesnt help I have no support system as I am a foster kid, and my friends pretty much dipped after I stopped drinking. Her and i will try talking however it becomes her talking and sharing her feelings but if I try she argues it. Im exhausted. So do I try and continue making it work because I love her and my children and dont want to hurt them or do I leave and finally allow myself to be happy and not settle or be disrespected. Marriage is work but i cant be the only one working on us but when I said that to her she says im not working on us and she has been the one. Its an endless cycle.
@Sendhelp22
I'm sorry to hear of your struggle.. This type of disrespect can happen often in relationships.. I hope you do the right thing because i'm confident you will work this out.. 🌲
Thank you.. im hoping I find the answer soon that I need and make the best decision
@Sendhelp22
Breaking patterns is hard and what has been done is not working... the choice is not stay or go but can we change. Communication and not falling back on past BS is important. Some do counseling and find help. Some I feel can do same with personal practice.
have you tried the I feel statements? it sounds simple but it really works. in my case I used the I feel and it kills all argument or twisting things back. they can argue if we say, "you do this" but saying " I feel you do this " they cannot tell us "Our feelings" are wrong or not real as it makes them stop and think ....about if situation was reversed and we disregarded their feelings.
We also made a list can be in writing if you like. We are not digging up past mistakes arguments in today's discussion past is past. We keep it alive by bringing it up as ammo in disagreements...
Communication is a skill and it is developed over practice. Too many I feel give up if it is not successful in first discussion. It is like one trip to the gym and giving up that we are not in perfect shape after one visit.
