Situationship
I have this guy that i love and he loves me. But the thing is he has a gf and he’s been cheating on her with me for some time now. Recently he distanced himself from me told me they are having a very rough patch and he needs time to sort things out. Then he told me there is this other person that he is talking to who helped him get though things. Now he is silent again. I have troubles with depression and ed prom past and all this really triggered it. We had such a great time together and a lot of great memories but im scared what will happen next. Can someone please help me?
@reliableTalker2839
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I'm sorry but he's having his cake and eating it too.
He is using everyone involved here.
You deserve better as does his gf.
You deserve someone who turns up for you.
Who is honest.
And trustworthy.
You deserve happiness not being sn afterthought.
💕💜
Im scared i will never find one. Ive been in two toxic relationships and i was really looking forward to this one💔
@reliableTalker2839
You will find one, you just need to see your worth first 💜
I really hope so. I have no idea how to cope with all of this and my bad habits came back. Sometimes i wish i was not here, i think im unlovable and not worthy of it. I know this whole situation is toxic and not healthy but every time i go back to him cause im comfortable in his presence and I just can’t resist him or imagine a life without him in it,
Don’t settle for the wrong one becuase you are scared of being alone that never works well
i feel you need to let go of him, he isn’t loyal to his gf and he wouldn’t be to you. if he was he would have broken up with her before being with you.
and trust me you will find a right person at the right time this will feel impossible but i’m genuinely hoping you do find one! just be more alert and don’t entertain any red flags of minimal size asw from the beginning!
I dont know how to let go. As soon as he will text me i will go back to him and i dont know how to change that. Im scared what will happen and I have no ideas how to cope with it except hurting myself to feel more pain.
My friend .
What you describe is not love. Love doesn't choose you when it's convenient. Love does not make you question your worth .
His behavior now will be a theme through ongoing. he wants external validation and it seems doesn't matter from whom.
You need to choose yourself. You need to be kind to yourself and work on you. Work on your mental health and insecurities so you can be healthy in future relationships and you can and will find someone.
Cut all contact with this one . Yes it will feel hard and down right *** but the sooner you do the sooner you can heal.
Talk to us here if you need support .
I wish you all the best .
I don’t know how to let go or work on myself. My previous relationships destroyed me but not nearly as much as this one.
I can’t delete all the memories i cant even make myself delete pictures cause im stuck in this comfort zone with him and afraid of change.
I would like to know about some techniques to go over this or at least make it better. And at the same time it goes though my mind “what if no one will ever love me”, “im not good enough” and so on.
I will be happy to any kind of support and thank you so much
I know its hard.
No doubt there would have been good times but equally bad times. No one will ask you to forget anything. Sometimes we get broken and fixed but the scars remain but it doesn't mean we can't be healthy.
If you want my advise is cut all contact so you can contact him and he can't you. The draw to reach out will be immense and you need to do anything to stop yourself (legally) . This will hopefully with time help your nervous system settle and realize you can exist and function with him .
If feasible then therapy is one way . To process and work on yourself it's trying to work out why you feel the way you do and why. For example me I was bought up to feel love was conditional I had to perform and do well to get attention and love and that stems back to how I was brought up. My worth was tied to how well I did.
You are unhappy as you are now so not changing anything will result in more of the same. How can you expect anything to improve if there is no change.
You are hurt and in pain but you're not destroyed. No one has the right to make you feel otherwise.
Small steps and know it's not a linear process of improvement after improvement . It's forwards some days and back to the start others but that's ok.
Take care look after yourself .
@reliableTalker2839
i’m so sorry that you experience that. But, his love is fake. Leave him is the best way to love yourself. I’m sure you will find a true love one day.
@reliableTalker2839 hey there. There are a few things that can help you. First and most important: yeet that guy to the trash
Genuinely. Come on. Dude cheats on his gf with you. And then cheats on you too, the moment he finds someone who he can suck more emotional profit from. You are destroying yourself mentally and physically for someone who isn't even assed to think of you as his favourite person. Come on now. You can do better than that.
So take that guys contact information. Block it. Burn it. And bury it in the garden. No more contact. That's how healing starts.
As your next step, you are not going to like this any more than the first one, but really. Stay single for a while now. You seem to tie your selfworth to a romantic partner, and that's extremely dangerous. Bad people have a nose for your kind, and they actively hunt for vulnerable people. They will shower you with love (aka love-bombing) and lure you in on the vision of a fairytale. Then, once you are attached, they will slowly push your limits until they can drop the mask.
So really. Your next steps should be about a reset. Spend time in your own company. Get a pet if it's too unbearable, but try to be intentional about spending time on your own. Find a hobby. Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone in a way that feels appropriate to your levels of energy and current situation. Maybe it's just pushing yourself to go for a walk when you would rather doomscroll. Maybe it's starting to volunteer somewhere.
But the point is to get to a stage where you don't lean on others to tell you who you are. If you can spend a few hours on your own, without your phone and be perfectly entertained, congratulations. You are doing a good job.
Now about relationships. I'm going to be as gentle as I can when I tell you this. You will keep repeating patterns you don't address. There is a reason why you keep attracting bad partners, and it will keep happening until you find the wound and clean it. Maybe it's some childhood patterns or trauma. Maybe it's a mental health condition that needs to be taken care of. But in most cases, it's usually a current weak sense of your values and self that is causing poor boundaries and attachment to bad people, with roots that usually go to something in childhood like trauma or parent behaviour.
Take your time to learn about healthy communication, boundaries and relationships. If you have any mental health condition, read up on it and learn to use strategies for managing it. Once you have some understanding of your own patterns and behaviour, how healthy love and red flags look, you are ready to date again and have much much bigger chances of finding a good partner.
Either way, healing is messy, but not impossible. You can do it, and as you become healthier, your relationships will reflect that too 🌻
Thank you so much for your advice it really means a lot to me.
How can I tell if someone’s intentions are genuine, so I don’t end up falling for another person who love bombs and takes advantage of me?
@reliableTalker2839 you need to do a lot of inner healing first to make sure you have all your values, goals, traumas and selfworth in order, so you can hear their warnings. Then you need to learn about healthy relationship and communication, so you can see anything that is not it.
- On the more practical side, look at day to day things, not grand gestures. If someone forgot your birthday but remembered you are having a headache from a perfume, so they don't use it around you, now that's some interesting keeper material, not the dude who would throw you a grand celebration but forget the perfume makes you feel bad despite dating you for 3 months and you telling him a few times clearly.
- If they insult you or someone else when angry or say things intended to hurt, yeet.
- If you model healthy behaviour, they will pick it up and follow if they are good
- Anger issues is an immediate get the *** out, so is "my ex was crazy". People whose ex is actually bonkers don't even use this lol. If the ex is crazy, it means they are no good.
- Don't assume he will change. He won't. People do fine tune details but they are in general on their best behaviour at the start of the relationship. Ask yourself if this is the best they will ever be, does that work for me?
Thats all I can think of at the moment but I'm sure you will slowly learn more about healthy Vs toxic relationships as you heal 😊
Thank you so much, you don’t know how much this means to me. ❤️
I hope it gets better and that the brighter days will come.
@reliableTalker2839 I'm glad I could be of some help for you 😊
The start is hard and healing is messy, but it gets better 😊
All I am seeing is red flags but I don’t know entire story