Stressed while dating a chef
I don't know where to start. I'm so low it's scary and even my antidepressants aren't lifting it this time.
Been with the guy for 4 years and moved into our new home in January this year. Recently got a fence put up and it wasn't done right so been back and forth with the company. Then last night after he finished work he kicked off about it and didn't see why I was annoyed at them putting the fence in the wrong place. It then escalated to him yelling at me about everything and anything saying I do nothing about the house and I need to grow up. I do all the house work and only ask him to sort the bins and take the bin out for the bin men to collect once a week. I do everything else. He says he does all the cooking, he does it twice a week. I was scared of him last night and cried myself to sleep after a panic attack. He's not spoken to me this morning. I have a lot of trauma from past relationships and my childhood and feel like everything is my fault. Like I'm the worst person ever. I got up early this morning and deep tidied the kitchen and wiped the surfaces and I'm going to scrub it properly after work. I've also tidied the living room and other things. I feel like I have to do everything now to prove to him that I don't do nothing.
I'm hoping that he was just having a bad day and unfortunately took it out on you. I would be waiting for a profuse apology and gratitude for all that you do.
It doesn't seem right for you to feel afraid but I get it.
I don't like confrontations either but you are no slacker and your actions should be recognised and praised.
I hope you manage to resolve it. That's kinda my dream, dating a chef, hmm..
I got a half hearted apology then apparently I'm making him out to be the bad guy. He says he didn't say I do nothing and he is greatful for what I do then in the same sentence went on to snap at me and have an attitude.
I get his hours make it hard for him to help out as much and for us to spend time together. he keeps going well the thing I said I was going to do two weeks ago I did this morning but you could have done it before now. Despite me saying I was going to do it after work as I didn't have time this morning and had to go to work. Apparently that wasn't a reason, despite the face that's his reason for not having done it. He keeps saying what do you want me to hoover at midnight when I get home. I've never once said that I want him to put his shoes in the cupboard, not leave his bag at the bottom of the stairs and maybe tidy up after himself and put some dishes away.
I'm exhausted all the time and 3 panic attacks deep since the argument last night. But I'm going home to do the housework and make dinner for both of us (he'll have his when he gets in) something else that apparently I don't do
I'm not a fan of double talk, just say it plainly, don't backtrack, which he seems to be a fan of.
I'm glad you've got a safe space to vent here.
I wonder what his reaction would be if you recorded his speeches and played it back or just stopped doing the housework and said, Hey, you're finally right..... I haven't cooked or did this and that, now you be accurate when you falsely accuse me.
You need to try and relax, do something for yourself, whatever it is, bubble baths, pampering, good juicy book, or just taking a walk.
I hope you get some peace tonight :)
Thank you. Thought about recording last night but apparently I was on my phone too much -it was on my knee and I had opened *** to distract myself (during what I thought was the end of the argument but turned out to just be a break).
It's really tempting to do nothing. I've got a to do list today that I'm leaving in the kitchen next to the kettle so it's obvious.
I'm going to have a bubble bath tonight I think.
