Struggling after a long-term breakup and don’t know what to do

I’m struggling with a breakup that happened 7 months ago after a 5-year relationship. I really want advice and outside perspective.

I met my ex 5 years ago and she moved in with me early on. (When we met Age me 27 her 19, now 32 and 24) I was a hardcore alcoholic before and during the first 3 years of our relationship. She stayed, loved me, and supported me even though I was emotionally distant, closed off, and not very affectionate. I quit drinking about 2 years ago, but I still smoked a lot of weed, and emotionally I continued to pull away.

The last 1–2 years of the relationship felt like we were roommates. I didn’t give her the affection she needed — no cuddling, no holding hands, rarely going to bed together. I loved her deeply, but I didn’t show it. I also went through layoffs and financial stress, and money became a point of tension. She later told me she had been emotionally pulling away for months before the breakup.

When she left, I quit smoking weed and have now been fully sober for 7 months — the first time in my adult life. I have a completely different clarity and outlook now, and I can finally see how my addictions and emotional distance affected her and the relationship.

After the breakup, she came back 3 Mondays in a row and we talked for hours each time. She was deciding whether to try again, but ultimately said she couldn’t right now because she needed to heal from the damage I caused. That crushed me, but I respected it. I initiated no contact because staying in touch was too painful. We haven’t spoken in 7 months.

I feel like she was my soulmate. I know I can be the partner she needed now that I’m sober and emotionally present. I want the life we talked about. I just don’t know if it’s too late, if reaching out would hurt her or me, or if I need to let go even though I don’t want to.

My question:

What do you do when you’ve genuinely changed after a breakup, still love the person deeply, and don’t know whether reaching out is the right move — or if you have to accept that you lost them forever?

Thank you for any advice or words of wisdom ❤️