Struggling to rebuild trust
I have discovered over a year into my relationship that there has been a deep routed lie throughout the duration of my relationship. Before we started dating I explained that this was not something I was comfortable with, if it was a deal-breaker for him then we shouldn't get too involved. He said he was happy about the boundary as he wouldn't like it reversed. Unfortunately, he has been lying for the entire relationship. When I brought it up after finding out the lies kept coming until I said enough was enough, I need the truth. I'm now struggling to regain the trust
@Purpledaze2572
It is a hard thing about boundaries ... is sticking to them ....too many times we give second/ third etc chances and each time they feel more relaxed that boundary is gone.
LIes over and over are a big problem and i think harder to get over then many other things... I often hear suggestions to talk it out and it is important to communicate ... it is hard to trust unless we really know their motivation to lie and continue to do so.
Can you have a decent conversation that will not devolve to argument? is there a third party you both trust to moderate? .... i find it is helpful as when i had these conversations... my liar found harder to lie to the third party too.
The thing is, it's not really been an argument... More me tearfully explaining how deeply this has affected me and him insisting it won't happen again. I don't think there is anyone who would be able to mediate as I think he would probably remain silent.
@Purpledaze2572
I get that most men do not want to speak up .... IMO when I tell and explain why something is NOT OK with me.
Then spouse says "yes he will not do again" or "he will try etc." .... and it does not happen..... It is NO longer about the "thing" he did........ it instead becomes about his disrespect for my feelings/ wishes or opinion.....To me that is a deeper cut or slap in face then the original thing he did.
I don't get it! If one is very unhappy and the partner won't change to accommodate then
end the relationship and start again! Life is too short to waste time on deliberately awkward people.
