Struggling with my current relationship, any help or advice would be much appreciated.
I'm 9 months into the best relationship I have ever been in. Me and my partner have both had our share of bad times and all our other relationships haven't been good for us. We both suffer with different mental health issues from our pasts. She helped me get heland beat my struggles with alcoholism but I still have relationship anxieties and insecurities which I gmay not have been good for either of us.
The main difference between us is with my struggles and issues I find it better to talk to somebody and get help with is where as my partner is the opposite. If things get to much she shuts down and isolates her self so she can work through it.
About 4 weeks ago it got to that point for her, I noticed her mood and demeanor changing and when I would ask I got the usual I'm okay just tired. Then after a very stand off ish weekend she messaged me on the Monday morning saying that she needed a break, she assured me it wasn't a break up she just had to get back to her usual self. Which I can understand and respect. But there was no real explanation. She didn't really give me a lot of information on what the problem was or why she thought she was feeling this way.
I agreed to go along with it but I did struggle to have no contact with her and I did message once or twice but she came back to me with we're supposed to be on a break, just give me space and time and wait for me to get hold of you.
It has been 4 weeks now and her shas been in touch explaining she's been to the doctors and asked for counselling and that she is in a real dark place at the moment.
Is it bad for me to be thinking its a bit unfair to leave me in the dark so much and that there may be more to this than I'm being told??
Any help or input would be greatly appreciated as I'm driving myself nuts 😔
@K1088
Judging by your description, the situation looks not good. It seems you had been sidelined without anybody asking for your opinion.
On one hand it seems like a "run away bride" emotionally immature kind of behaviour. It can be also "eat the egg and have the egg" situation.
On the other hand there is a minor possibility it can be something really serious (like a critical illness) and she wanted to spare your feelings—ironically, doing it against your will.
I believe what you deserve is honesty and truth. Not being told to wait forever for something that may never happen.
From my experience 8 months is more than enough to reach the level of communication and intimacy good enough to stay together through thick and thin.
And when she suddenly signs out of the relationship during one quiet weekend, it's a bad sign.
Who knows, maybe she is even some way testing you—because if you really care, she may subconsciously expect you to override her requests for no contact?
Anyway, I would be careful and demand to make things clear. Maybe it is good for her to stay in the fog (where "good" doesn't mean "healthy"), but it can be devastating to you.
@K1088,
she has told you she needs a break. So give her space and let her reach out when she's ready. The worst you can do is push her for an explanation, any kind of pressure (to her it's pressure) will only push her further away. And that will only enlarge any chances of what you're afraid of, losing her. Do what you can, give her space, respect the path she's walking.