Stuck

I've been married for almost 14 years. I got married when I was 19 years old and naive and stupid. for the longest time I thought my husband was really good to me Now looking back on it I see you I was just looking past things that I shouldn't have and blind a certain things and took a lot more than I should have because I was taught to speak quiet and not cause problems. When I was 24 and I got pregnant with my daughter, My youngest child he had a nervous breakdown for some reason why I honestly have no idea because our life was going better than it ever had at the moment. He's not been the same ever since to the point where he calls me to have a very severe nervous breakdown about 5 years ago and I'm not been able to heal from it because of still having to endure emotional abuse and over the past 5 years it's been off and on emotional and physical abuse. A lot of people at like I'm crazy for staying with a few people that know what's been going on there's maybe two that actually no because I'm afraid to tell people I have really bad health issues I can't work I can't get disability I've tried I've not fought enough for it because I'm just so exhausted and tired but because I'm young even though I have an autoimmune condition, and ADHD, and I've had a nervous breakdown, and a bunch of co morbid conditions that go along with my autoimmune condition, I've not been able to leave if I wanted to. he'll get so much better for a while and then go right back to the way that he was and it's just been the same pattern over and over again for years and I'm so exhausted and so tired and so fed up and I love my husband so much and I've gave him everything and tried to be everything that he needed and I'm always a problem I'm always asking for too much I'm always too loud to emotional have too many panic attacks have too many flashbacks I'm always a problem when I always but it feels like at least 8 out of 10 times I'm more of his problem than anything and I just I've tried to get through to him we can't afford therapy as badly as he needs it we can't afford it but I have done the work when I could when I could afford it I've done therapy I've done I've tried different medications I've learned how to deal with certain things up I've done a lot of work on my aunt was very little audience because not only did he mess up me he messed up our financial situation as well and he's constantly having to focus on making money so we don't lose everything for our kids and he doesn't have any time for me he doesn't have any time to help me heal and be what I need and learn how to be a better husband and it's just most days I just want to give up I'm so tired of fighting for something I don't feel like I'm ever going to get for this man.