😭💔

I can't seem to free myself from someone I loved so deeply. I gave him everything: my love, effort, time, and all, but he ended up cheating on me. He cheated in October 2023, and I found out in January 2024. Even then, we never stopped contacting each other. I forgave him, but I can never forget. I constantly bring up the trauma he caused me.

One month after he cheated, I found a random girl's picture on his phone in the "Recently Deleted" folder. I cried so hard in front of him, and when I checked his phone again after crying, he had deleted it.

Then, in March 2025, I discovered that he had been talking to other girls. He said they were just friends from high school. There were many of them. Girl #2 kept blocking and unblocking him. He even made a new account that followed this so-called "high school friend." When I confronted him about it, he said he was blocked by her, so he created the account to say something important. He deleted the account after I found out.

Yesterday, I had this feeling that something was really going on with, Girl #3. I stalked her and saw that he was always reacting to her posts. I asked him about it, wondering if there was something between them, and he denied it, claiming she was just a social media friend. I ended up messaging the girl because I knew he wouldn’t admit to what I was accusing him of. She sent me screenshots of their conversation, and it showed that he was always replying to her stories, notes, and even initiating chats. Fortunately, the girl wasn’t very responsive to him. She even comforted me and told me, "Let him go. I think he has a lot of girls he’s talking to. You don’t deserve to be treated like that."

I asked him, "Why are you doing this to me? I'm always waiting for you to message me back, even if it takes 6 hours, 8 hours, or even days or weeks for you to reply." He said he was chatting with someone else just to pass the time. He's talking to them while talking to me, so he thinks it’s fair.

He said I should change. That I should stop being so desperate to fix our relationship and change my behavior. He said we can fix things if I change.

Am I the one who needs to change? I keep asking myself. I haven’t done anything wrong. I’ve just been discovering his cheating. He even said he wasn’t cheating because we’re not together anymore. He pushes me away every time, denies all my accusations, even though I find out they’re true. He reverses what happened and puts all the blame on me. Now, I bear all the mistakes. I’ve become the bad one.

I know there’s a lot I don’t know and can’t figure out. I just keep finding out one thing after another. I don’t know how many girls are involved. I’m too tired to check every social media account.

I know I’m stupid for holding on to the hope that he might change. Now, I regret it. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I love him so much to the point that I forgot to love myself. How can I accept this? How can I be free from this? I know the advice is to stop, but I can’t do it.

I kept lecturing him to treat me with respect, but my words had no effect. It just made him mad, and now I’ve been blocked on all social media.

Please help me find a way to cope with this. I'm already tired and drained. I want to escape.