TW: DV
My spouse and I have been together going on 9 years and there's one thing that has always been an issue: during an argument, I will freeze. When they yell and/or punch a wall, door, etc I freeze up and check out. I can't think straight. I detach and it makes them feel like I don't care.
The yelling and punching things triggers me and they know this. When it happens, I shut down and that triggers them and I know it and so the vicious cycle continues.
Today has made the 3rd time they have grabbed my arms hard enough to leave marks and bruises, not including a black eye from getting pushed last year. Today, I was bumped/pushed 3 or 4 times that resulted me hitting the fridge which bruised my shoulder. After the last push, I did slap them which probably wasn't the best reaction.
I was poked hard in my chest repeatedly until it was red and very briefly they grabbed my neck. (Prob about a couple seconds it was like as soon as they did it, they realized what they were doing and let go)
I'm struggling because I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I don't have close friends and even if I did, I can promise they would tell me to leave. As a Christian, I've be raised and told that ivorce isn't an option. So I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. Even if my heart was set on leaving, I have no money to do so. they pay the rent but all the other bills fall on me so I'm not able to save anything and now I wonder if that was on purpose. I'm not close to any family so I have nowhere to go. My job is remote flex so I have to be within driving distance in order to keep my job for the days I go in office but I know if I'm near them, I'm going to take them back as I have done in the past. I don't know what to do or how to fix it or what's right and what's wrong. I'm so lost.
@usagi143 Can you reach out to a DV shelter? Perhaps they can give you information, such as a plan to get out now or maybe at least a plan for if things continue as they are or escalate. Glad you’re seeking help here.
Thank you. I don't know of one near me so I will have to research.
@usagi143,
has violence from your partner always been by words or has your partner always used psychical violence? And can you see a pattern over the years?
PS divorce is always an option, if it's your safety (mentally and psychical) that has become an issue. Always.
Mostly words. The only physical had been when they have grabbed or pushed me. Never actual hit me.
I tried to leave back in 2020 but was made to be at fault and that I shouldn't have left. Essentially I was outcasted for trying to leave.
There tends to be a pattern. They will punch a wall or something (has left holes in walls and doors) and then get angrier when I no longer want to talk saying I'm being childish. In their words, they result to punching walls because I get emotional and my reasons for being emotional don't make sense. We can go months without an argument but when it's bad....it's really bad
