The 8 Most Crucial Behaviors for Successful Communication

1. Weaving.

All relationships are compilations of the past, the present, and the upcoming future. There is no accurate communication possible if both partners do not acknowledge all three as they attempt to connect. What happened before always affects what is happening now and how that will alter or change the future.

2. Enough time for each partner to speak.

Too soon in many communication processes, one partner begins to overtalk the other or share more than the other can take in. The attempt at connection becomes a competition to be heard and neither will be able to listen.

3. Watching for trauma triggers.

As relationships mature, both partners will experience triggers from each other that activate past traumas. The closer people get to each other, the more unresolved or painful experiences from the past will work their way to the surface. It is crucial that the partner seeing that response immediately let go of what was being talked about and help the other understand what they are experiencing.

4. Proximity without preoccupation.

Successful communication cannot occur unless the partners are physically close to each other and give their full attention to the process at hand. Both partners must put all else aside, focus on only each other, and commit to listening and learning without judgment or defensiveness.

5. Defining terms.

Many well-intentioned communication attempts are sabotaged by a lack of clarification of what each partner means by the words and phrases they use. Culture, gender, age, education, relationship history, childhood aphorisms, and meaningful past experiences can all put a different spin when the background is not understood by the other. Before either partner takes offense, feels defensive, or pushes back in any way, they need to ask the other what the word or phrase means to them, where it came from, and what they are trying to share when they use it.

6. Reading the other's non-verbal cues.

In almost all cultures, most intimate communication is not about words but how they are conveyed. Children immediately know when a parent is angry or burdened by their facial expression, body language, voice intonation, and rhythm. The phrase, “Of course I love you,” can communicate irritation, dismissal, or reassurance depending on those non-verbal cues.

7. Talking “to” rather than “at” or “about.”

There is no faster way to lose a listener that to talk at them, rather than to them or about them. Successful communicators sense immediately when the other partner is no longer able to take more in and acknowledge this.

8. Attunement.

To create a communication process that deepens and becomes richer over time, both partners must live in the minds and hearts of each other in every phrase they share. If you slap a child, you should simultaneously feel the slap on your own face at the same time.

Read the complete article available at Psychology Today!

Reflection:

Do you and your partner communicate well?

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