The second stage of a relationship
Sometimes I realize that it’s kind of hard to get out of that stage and that’s what my partner and I are currently going through. But we’ve had time to talk and think about stuff and he understands everything now. I just have to say I think it’s very unfair that some men think it’s OK to put unrealistic standards on their partners. But society does it too.
(I already told him that these are not fair and kinda stupid)
He said he doesn’t know if he wants to marry me because I don’t do any of these.
His:
Doesn’t own a car/ doesn’t drive
(I’ve been saving money for a car, and also working on my driving, i live in the city and he lives out in the middle of nowhere)
Doesn’t go to school
(I got into the school I applied to, and I start classes next week. He knows that now)
Doesn’t get along with his friends.
(Personally if someone doesn’t treat me nicely or right I will stand up for myself, if you can’t be man enough to do it. But for this case, he wasn’t present as his friends where doing/saying hurtful and rude things to me while he was getting them food up in the kitchen while we where in the basement) (this problem was also resolved a week after it happened.)
My personal view on the society pressures and unrealistic expectations is that my partner is 21 and I’m 23 and we started dating at 18 and 20 and I kid you not, obviously females have always thought about marriage since they where kids. But guys, most don’t. So I feel like putting this pressure on someone who also is going through many life changes isn’t fair. He does talk about doing things together in the future and moving somewhere and having animals together. But in the last 6 months, not as much. so we talked last week, this was also talked about and he said his feelings towards me about marriage have changed due to that list I wrote up there, but they will change back if progress is made on them. I have been thinking that him saying that is just a way to keep me around as a place holder until he finds someone better, but he’s not good at the whole reassurance thing and isn’t good about expressing his feelings. (Not the way he was raised) so I’m just here.
@forcefulSpruce5957
You have already addressed some of his "list" but i doubt it will end there.
By him making a list or you having to show you have dealt with his friends or starting classes practicing driving is like you need to report your progress. When this list is done something else will be a hurdle to overcome too. Maybe consider he is not ready to really talk or see a real future. Many talk about someday or we could do this or that but in vague terms.
How would he like if you gave him a list? i am sure there are a few things you would like to see in him.
I have given him a number of things that I didn’t like that he did. And he fixed them but just because they where bothering me that much didn’t mean I didn’t want to not marry him.
@forcefulSpruce5957
I am glad he made changes for you i was not saying that it was a sign he did not want to marry i have just seen this as a stall tactic in some people.
maybe put he need to take your side if friends ever had a disagreement with you again
We saw each other today… he’s definitely been working on himself. But he told me his favorite high school teacher just passed of cancer. So I just wonder why some people are given so much grief to deal with.