Today marks the first year anniversary of discovering my wife cheating on me
She left me 3 months later even though i tried to reconcile and take her to counseling..
Feeling totally unheeded in life
@Loserhubby
I am sorry this sounds still very raw to you. I think it comes to a point where you will need to quit trying to put pieces back together even if you did it that...it will not be the same. Not sure how your marriage was going before this ... Some say they did not see issues before and then after tell themselves things were so great how could this happen. making a choice unless it was a one night stand did not just happen .... meeting someone talking / connecting then deciding to cross a line was a choice.
I have been cheated on and honestly there was real disconnect in the relationship. I should have let it dissolve then instead of keeping it together. It is not about blame but seeing things clearly. Of course there are exceptions but it often for someone to take that step .....they feel done with trying to keep something that is NOT working for them together.
I did not see the things until the situation turned around. I have no connection to spouse and do not feel the same anymore and attention and interest and all the things i feel lacking in my marriage i can see how lines can be crossed. People say things like we have (X) amount of years together or been through things....... like overcoming things is cement to a relationship.... it is NOT.
relationships take work and wanting to be present. It is a constant decision to be there ..
Reproducing what I wrote 9 months ago
I entered the post betrayal life with a renewed confidence hoping that life will be smooth. But it didn't.
At first she didn't give a good closure to her AP
I waited for 2 weeks but no update. She keot telling he doesn't come to office same day she goes as they are in hybrid mode.
I had a feeling so i asked her to call and end it . So she called on speaker phone
Wife : hey guy, I want to talk to you. My husband saw those chats you had made and he is not happy with it. So I don't want you to chat again with me
Guy : hey look, I only chatted as a friend ( please check the link i sent and let me know it's friend level)
Wife : look, i don't want to create a scene with our friends so let's pretend to be normal before then but don't talk to me in private or message me
Guy : hey I'm sorry for that . I didn't think this will happen
I got *** at this moment and said you never talked about boundaries after muting phone
Wife : hey , I think you had crossed few boundaries and it's my mistake also that I allowed to cross.
Guy : hey I'm really sorry , I did everything in a friendly way
Wife : ok bye
Guy : bye
I was livid after this because the way she talked was that it was ME who had an issue with their FRIENDLY chat and that's why she doesn't want . She didn't correct him when he said. It was friendly chat.
Then she kept telling how she never went to the extent of having sex with him . I brought up that trip to resort and said how can I believe you .
I bought her an online copy of " how to help your spouse heal from your affair" but she refused to read because it was triggering .
I decided to involve my sister but that backfire because my sister started scolding me for thinking of divorce with 2 kids which emboldened her and her sister.
I tried counselling but it didn't help.
I went to anti depressant, waking up late night, bad sleep and eating patterns.
But still I never got a full fledged apology or why she cheated in the first place ..
Her sister came and started shouting that I'm torturing her etc .
So they have all packed the bags and left to their native place. She ain't coming back I think
I miss my kids,youngest is just 2 .. but Ill improve my health and mental health first and be off my anti depressants.
Please never get involved in cheating , you don't know how many lives you are going to destroy for your selfishness
@Loserhubby
It is not your fault but there is a reason she chatted beyond a friendly manner.
I will say in my world if we do not talk or chat and continue to share our growth with each other. Some find someone else to talk to.
Whatever they chatted about ... Do you talk with her about those things? perhaps the subjects are interests she has that you do not. The conversation has to be brutally honest and not trying to appease each other. There are many who feel alone in a marriage or relationship.. their partner does not clearly listen... the partner gives the head nod or "yeah i know " thing and does not understand why their partner is quiet now not trying to bring up subjects.... cause they found someone to listen and display an interest about what they want.
Problem is that post marriage she literally took away everything which i liked .. she literally made me her slave.. I made the mistake of telling the childhood trauma and she used it against me ..
After all those years where she never allowed me to express myself... Took me to her family always despite my reservations..
Then when she moved to this new job and then started talking to this guy while i was in night shifts working my *** off..
Essentially she took away everything of mine and then she started looking for it someone else
@Loserhubby I agree with toughTiger below. You can't blame yourself for someone else's decision. I have had similar difficulties. Sometimes people prefer not to look. Often one is more invested in the relatioship than the other, especially has the relationship grows cold. I wasn't cheated on, but I was ignored for other reasons. I found that in the beginning, people always show their best side...what the other person wants to see. As time goes on, the "real" side of each of us comes out. Sometimes we grow in different directions, but that isn't our fault. No need to blame yourself.
I am married a year ago and my husband is cheating on me since then.. I tried to forgive him every time but he keeps disappointing me..
so i think that when she left you it’s better than staying with you and keep cheating right?
I wish to have the strength to leave him
Thank you except she accused me of being mentally ill and then left ...
