Trust

After being lied to cheated on countless times I’m having a problem letting someone in bc of trust issues. In my head everyone lied to me bc I think I’m not worth it. And I push people away that may be honest and real but these days it’s hard to find someone who’s actually truthful. How do I learn to trust without the fear of someone just always lying. 

all started with my daughters mother. She was cheating before and after our daughter. Yes she’s mine. But everytime she say she isn’t doing anything and she was and just finding a better way of hiding it. This started my trust issues. Before her I was alone and depressed. And after her I was the same. I started trying to date again but her mom started lying around on me. I ran into someone I really liked back in high school and I took my walls down bc I knew her and knew she spoke her mind and told the truth always before so why not? She made promises to show me not everyone is same and she was gonna prove she would be with me and not hurt me. Well… she just slowly stopped talking and her ex husband called me and threatened me bc they were getting back together for the kids. So she lied to me and just disappeared to get back with the guy she divorced for  two years so that sent me into trust no one. 

i finally found someone and was her for almost 4 years when she started lying and talking to someone else. And I never questioned her but for like one month when we were separate. I trusted her and we became distant after awhile but that’s both of our faults. But after her I fell into depression to where I didn’t eat but like one small thing a day for over a month. I started to date again

first person I dated a month and ended it with her bc she was still seeing her ex and talking to someone else while with me and lying the whole time. I haven’t dated anyone since but I’ve tried. I’ve gotten the idk what I want, the I want my ex back. Or the typical ghosting. I’ve had one that went well and she told me she don’t have kids and can’t have kids and then I found out she did like who lies about that? 

I’ve had one that was going well then she just ends it bc she ain’t over her ex. I get the I live to far which a hour isn’t to bad. People get short with and slowly fade away. Now I have one that wants to be with me and my mind is all messed up bc I’m always thinkin she’s lying or don’t mean anything she says. I’m not sure what truth is or what lying is. Am I  just someone she’s entertaining bc she’s bored or depressed? Does she have more she’s seeing? I always think of the worse thing never anything good and idk how to get out of that.