Trust issue ?
I'm afraid of never finding my soulmate. All I really dreamt since I was a kid was finding the love of my life. I never was in a relationship. When I was a teenager, I said I'll wait until I'll be graduated. But years later, I always make excuses. I don't understand why I always run away from something I deeply want. Or maybe, I don't really want it.
Or just.... I'm so afraid of being betrayed or discovering that love like in books doesn't exist. I don't know.... And it could make me toxic because I approach people, start flirting and then after ghost them without any explanation...
@Illbeokai
Do you feel it is better to never put yourself out there .... to make sure you are not disappointed....Afraid it wont happen or maybe afraid it will and you think you would mess it up ....
there is no right time / place ........... and books and movies skip the details of love can be rocky and have ups and downs..
to love someone deeply..........even short lived is worth it.... IMO.
Yeah, I'm afraid of that too. I feel like I'm not worth it. I'm afraid of engagement even if I say that's all I want.
You're right when you talk about books and movies and I know that but something inside me refuses to get it.
Love can hurt and I'm scared. I'm scared of not having my happy ending even if I know it won't be forever (death will be there if it's not breaking up). I want to love someone in a way that makes me blind and crazy but I can't shut up my fears.
@Illbeokai
Wanting that so bad could be the issue.
Imagine if you will being very hungry and thinking you want ----( insert favorite thing here) --- you go somewhere you order it and ...yet it does not taste right ... or tastes bland etc..... this is what relationships can be when we are looking so hard for something or build it up in our heads.
the best feelings are ones that FIND you.... and develop quickly in a way that makes zero sense that makes you smile for no reason and just are happy to see/ chat or be with someone. it is a feeling no one can describe really to another and when they try ... they often go overboard and if think wow i do not think i will feel like that ... you probably wont because your feelings will be unique to you.
@Illbeokai Maybe you should take the time to practice self-awareness and figure out if a relationship is what you really want. Understanding your fears and acknowledging your patterns could also be beneficial to making positive changes. It's also totally fine to take things at your own pace. Love is unpredictable and it's always good to allow room for self-discovery.
Once I asked many questions to myself. And I haven't any answer.
Right now, I'm trying to find something to hold on. I don't know what I'm meant to be, and where I belong. I think the illusion of love is the best thing to hold on. I don't know what I could be without it.
I really miss my family since I've lived abroad and maybe that's why I tend to be like that.
Thanks for your advice.
@Illbeokai I think It’s normal that you are afraid of not getting love, or getting hurt while trying to find the love.
I feel that way too. I want love and a home so much. So I finally gave it a try. Last year I exposed myself to someone, started the first relationship in my life. Unfortunately, ended up being cheated on. Now in the healing process.
This is not a good experience. But I am not tell you to scare you. I just want you to know, there are people out there who want love too.
For me, knowing you also want love, gives me hope that someday I might meet the person looking for the same thing. So thank you for sharing your feelings.
Thank you for your sharing too. Me too, I thought I was the only one like that and it made me so feel like a cringe person.
Exposing myself to someone who will betray me is my biggest fear because when I love either I give everything or I give nothing. And if I give everything to the wrong person I'll have nothing after. Everyone around me thinks I'm a confident woman who succeed everything. But deep inside, I've insecurities too. I'm afraid of so many things that I'll miss the best part of my life.
I'm sure you'll find your partner one day. That bad experience is useful even if we don't know yet.
@Illbeokai That's not true. Don't think it that way. You will not have nothing after. You will definetely have a broken heart, like I do now. sorry, mean joke, this is for myself.
