Trying to find my footing during separation
Hi everyone. I’m new here and honestly a little nervous to post. I’m going through a separation after a long-term relationship, and I’m trying to figure out how to stand on my own again after many years.
I live with anxiety, depression, and PTSD, and right now everything feels heavy—emotionally, mentally, and practically. I’m doing my best to stay grounded while dealing with fear, uncertainty, and a lot of grief over what I thought my life would look like.
I’m not necessarily looking for answers, just support, understanding, or to hear from others who’ve been through separation or major life changes and survived it. It helps to know I’m not alone. Thank you for reading.
@RavenB36
You are not alone. many people in a change situation like a separation or other upheaval in life go through many phases of depression and bounce from regret to try to be hopeful no matter which way things go.
I think you hit the nail on the head in we often get anxiety and worry because how we pictured for our life. it is common IMO that we seem to have mixed feelings and not sure where we start or what to do.
@toughTiger6481
That's the thing, I had the depression and everything before we even gotten together it just had gotten worse over the years. But once I started to get the help I needed and growing confidence and whatnot is when I started to really see what so many have told me about my husband. I was blinded by the fact that I felt he saved me from an abusive situation. And now that I'm changing it's an issue. But I understand what you're saying. I'm just trying to figure out where I go from here.
@RavenB36
We often see things we did not before when we start working on us and change in any way.
@RavenB36,
you are not alone. It's ok to be on an emotional rollercoaster, as you're only human.
Sometimes life throws a curve ball, unexpectly, well, maybe not so unexpected, looking back.
I've been through hard times, severe depression, which I conquered with no help, dealing with anger that just would come out like a volcanic eruption, dealt with that too, no help. Separation and divorce from the love of my life (got help from two dear friends and professional help due to traumatic experiences during that marriage).
What has helped me (and I had to learn the hard way) is to allow myself having bad days and moments. It helped me to see there is also good moments in life. There can be wounds caused by life and you can let them fester or you can permit yourself to let them heal. It's OK if scars remain, it's even OK if they never fully heel but give yourself the chance to not let them rule your life.
Another thing that helped me is looking back at past events. Not to relive them, to learn from them, like an outsider who is no longer IN the situation. It's not about "if only" or about "I should have done this instead". You did or did not what you did not or did. It's trying to learn, to understand what happened, sort of looking at things from a higher level, unbiased, no judging, no labeling. And you might just learn something about you that you overlooked or ignored. For instance "I am not good in putting down boundaries, so something happens, I get angry, ignore it, 6 months later something totally unrelated happens and THEN I get angry, hurting others for apparently no reason at all".
Hope this helps. Take care, of yourself.
@dukeofdearham
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. It truly means more than I can put into words. Reading your message made me feel a little less alone in the middle of all this chaos.
I really appreciate what you said about allowing bad days and moments without judging yourself. That’s something I’m still learning how to do, especially when everything feels so raw and uncertain. Your words about wounds, scars, and not letting them rule your life really resonated with me.
I’m also trying to look back at past events the way you described—not to relive them or beat myself up, but to understand them better and learn from them. That perspective feels hard but necessary right now.
Thank you for sharing your experience and your insight. It genuinely helped, and I’m grateful for the reminder to take care of myself and give myself grace through this process.
@RavenB36I'm so sorry you feel this way. Living with so many negative aspects in your life is tiring, and you're new to this, but rest assured that you can vent here whenever you need to. I can't tell you anything specific to do, but I can assure you that things always get better, sooner or later. I personally went through depression, and I can tell you that even when everything seems dark and you think there's no way out, there always will be one, and there will always be people to support you.
💕
@Nix22amy
Thank you so much for this—it really means a lot. Just knowing there’s a space where I can vent and not feel judged already helps more than you know.
Everything feels heavy and unfamiliar right now, this is new to me, so hearing from someone who’s been through depression and made it through gives me a bit of hope when my own feels shaky. I’m trying to take things one step at a time, even when it’s exhausting.
I truly appreciate your kindness and reassurance. It helps to be reminded that I’m not alone and that support exists, even in moments when it’s hard to see. 💛
You got this! Keep pushing! I believe in you!
Thank you so much ☺️
Hi Raven. I am going through a trial marriage separation. It’s been very hard. I love my wife and my goal is to have a better future with her and our 5yo. I’m working on my mental and physical health and take of myself. It’s important to do that. But I know it’s not easy. Sending you support.
@lfhthnx
Hi, thank you so much for sharing this with me. I’m really sorry you’re going through a trial separation too — it’s such a heavy and confusing place to be. It sounds like you really care about your wife and your family, and I respect the work you’re doing to focus on your mental and physical health. That takes a lot of strength, especially when everything feels uncertain.
I agree — taking care of ourselves is important, even when it’s hard. I’m trying to remind myself of that too right now. Sending you support as well, and hoping you’re able to find some clarity and peace through this process.
