Trying to understand: avoidant attachment, mixed signals, or something else?

I’m looking for an outside perspective on a recent breakup with someone I’ve known for 20+ years — we’ll call her K. We’ve always had a strong bond, and when things finally turned romantic, it felt real and mutual.

The part I’m stuck on is how fast things shifted.

The week before the breakup:

There was a small situation after a night where she’d been drinking. Nothing major, just a few things I didn’t like, so I took a day to myself. She responded with, “Take all the time you need. Love you.” She’d never said that to me before, so it felt like real vulnerability and reassurance.

The following week:

We didn’t see each other because her kid needed extra attention(school issues), but she stayed in touch more than usual. She was initiating sweet morning messages — again, not typical for her. It felt like we were turning a corner.

Then the weekend came:

Her kid went to his dad’s and I was excited to finally spend time together, but she got sick. I’d been wondering whether she actually had enough time or space in her life for a relationship, so (stupidly, in hindsight) I basically ended things for her. Not from anger — more from fear and confusion.

I went by to grab my stuff and asked if she had any thoughts. She said she wasn’t going to talk me out of anything, and maybe I was right that she didn’t have time. The second she said it, I regretted ending it. It felt like she just folded inward.

Three days later:

She officially broke it off with a long text basically saying there's nothing wrong with me, nothing I did, she just needs to focus on work, her kid, herself— but then invited me over for dinner, acted totally normal, had me stay the night, cuddled me, everything. The next morning she was cold again, and since then… pretty much silence.

When I finally texted, “Are we even friends anymore?” she said, “Of course we’re friends!”

But her behavior doesn’t match that at all. She’s stayed friends with exes who treated her way worse, so the fact that she isn’t talking to me makes me wonder if it’s because she still has feelings and doesn’t know how to be around me… or if I’m overthinking everything.

The pattern I’ve seen in her:

Pulls close right before things get deeper

Retreats fast when vulnerability rises

Shuts down communication when overwhelmed

Seems to struggle to reconcile what she wants with what her life demands

My questions for the community:

Does this sound like avoidant attachment behavior?

Has anyone seen this “pull close → retreat → pretend normal → disappear” pattern before?

How do you tell the difference between someone losing interest vs. someone getting triggered by closeness?

If you you’ve been avoidant yourself, does any of this track emotionally?

I care about her a lot, so I’m not trying to diagnose or blame. I’m just trying to understand the dynamic and whether what I experienced lines up with avoidant tendencies or something else.