Upside down.
Hello, I’m looking for help. I am currently separated pending a divorce with my wife of 5 years. We grew apart because of my battle with depression which stems from childhood trauma. I know I am at fault for not being romantic, among other things. I moved back to my home state, after loosing everything I cared about. Everything that kept me going. My home, my car, my wife, my dog, my job, I lost it all. Now I’m living with my parents struggling to push myself to get out of bed most days.i have a new job that I hate, and can’t find the courage to follow my dreams. I can’t get my wife off my mind, I’m to awkward to talk with any of my “friends” about these things because they’re busy with their own lives. The only person I’ve ever been able to express myself to is gone. I live every day with a sinking feeling in my heart, with clouded memories. She’s blocked me on everything, and didn’t bother to try to fix the relationship by any means. It felt as if she wanted to kick me to the curb as fast as possible. This is the extremely condensed version of events; however I have never vented like this to strangers before. This is my call for help, or advice. Or a friend.
@emotionalHuman2241
I am sorry your life has been turned upside down...
Have you suggested or attempted counseling or therapy even if just for yourself? how long was the road down to the deep of your depression... like losing your job etc.
How many "talks" did you have where you promised to change but in reality could not or would not follow thru. I will tell you that depression has struck my relationship from both sides first mine and then his ... thankfully not at same time there would have been no way back. I will tell you i am at the point your wife is.
When a person is at that state it was a Long time coming.... so much letting things go giving loads of time for healing or trying to dig their way out .... when it does not happen. Chance after chance to try all pushed down road. until there is no coming back.
We can stay together but sad for him my feelings do not get smoothed over and i see him as a friend and roommate but will never be my lover or be in love with him.... too much has past....
if you find a way to reach her do not play "i will change" blame it on things or rewrite what has transpired.... and do not make the fatal errors my spouse did of buying things as "romantic" that ARE his favorite things that I despise....
@emotionalHuman2241. So sorry. I've been there and over the hump. We had a house, which I lost during the divorce (long story). I hope this platform will help you as it helped me.
I agree with Tiger. You may think she stopped trying, but I bet she tried and failed multiple times, and she's at her wit's end. As a person who wants a divorce, it still hurts. Regardless of who is at fault, it hurts both parties.
(what I did) I forced myself to find my 'new' tribe. I joined divorce groups and found ways to further my career. Yes, I went back to school. This helped me forget things. Idle time is not good for me. I did the rebound thing; trust me, it doesn't work.
This is to say that it's easier said than done. Luckily, it sounds like no littles are involved. Co-parenting is a different ball game. Every time you have a thought, tell your story to a stranger. Eventually, it would feel better.
Good luck with life, and I hope you see the light soon.
@emotionalHuman2241
I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing right now. It's understandable to feel lost and overwhelmed, especially after experiencing so much loss and upheaval in your life. Dealing with depression, childhood trauma, and the fallout from a separation can be incredibly isolating.
Firstly, it's important to recognize that it's okay to feel the way you do. Your feelings are valid, and it's brave of you to reach out for help and support.
Here are a few suggestions that might help you navigate this difficult time:
Connect with Supportive People: While it's challenging to talk to friends who might be busy with their own lives, You did a great thing by reaching out to a support group & finding online communities where you can connect with others who are going through similar experiences. Sometimes talking to strangers who understand can be surprisingly comforting.
Take Small Steps Towards Healing: Focus on self-care and small daily goals that can help you regain a sense of control and purpose. This could be as simple as going for a walk, engaging in a hobby you enjoy, or journaling your thoughts and feelings.
Explore Your Dreams: Even though it may feel daunting right now, try to carve out moments to explore what you're passionate about and what your dreams are for the future. It's never too late to take steps towards pursuing your goals, even if they feel distant right now.
Give Yourself Grace: Healing takes time, and it's okay to not have all the answers right away. Be kind to yourself as you navigate this journey of recovery and rebuilding.
Remember, you don't have to go through this alone. Seeking help and reaching out for support is a courageous step towards healing. There are people who care and want to listen. Take things one day at a time and prioritize your well-being.