Venting/Why Me?
TW: Covid, racism, misinformation
TLDR; Covid lifted the veil on all of our neurosis. I'm estranged from everyone I've ever known due mostly to generational white supremacy and rampant mis/disinformation.
It isn't often I allow myself to entertain the thought that "I did all of this; made so many improvements; grew into a better version of me, so why is it ME who ends up alone?" Intellectually I know it isn't forever, but the interim is agony.
People dumber than me; crueler than me; less enlightened and evolved than me, are out there living like there's no tomorrow and I'm trapped inside because I feel alien and unwelcome and dispassionate about interacting with them all. I want them to see me for my value, but I don't value their opinion of me because they're ***.
The struggle of duality within my traumatized psyche is debilitating. I'm far less than, and wildly greater than, every other human person living or dead. Simultaneously and relentlessly. It doesn't matter if either or neither is true, it all makes me feel entirely "other."
Tonight I had a 30 minute conversation with my my younger brother who moved to SanFran in December 2020 after months of telling me that Covid is a government hoax. This man is unfailingly gullible and perpetually miseducated. His heart wants to be in the right place, but he ends up buying whatever the next guy is selling even if it conflicts with the ethos he just bought a few guys back up the road. This time it's Zac Efron which isn't that strange because my brother grew up on High School Musical like a lot of other people. What IS strange, is that he tried to school me on the misdeeds of capitalist media companies using psychology to keep folks plugged into the matrix even though it's killing them and the planet, all while touting the altruism of a famously debunked Netflix miniseries with a multi-million dollar budget that could have been spent solving some of the issues the two famous co-stars are haplessly vacationing near. Half the episode I watched seemed like it was meant to drive traffic to Darin's pseudoscience supplement business.
I challenged it, he tripled down and told me all the entitled people with their hands out who don't want to work hard to have the means to buy acreage in Colorado Springs to homestead and get back to what life is really about (clean living, mind over matter mental health care, taking what's yours) is collateral damage and deserve their fate when the world collapses. He says this without irony. He says this from his luxury vehicle/life living paycheck to paycheck on his wife's travel nurse salary.
This man is 34 years old, obviously white, and has spent the last year annoying everyone he knows with social media posts featuring toxic positivity, good vibes, and a splash of Scientology.
Anyway, he's fake and I'm grumpy so I'm off to watch the new Weird Al movie.
Be Good,
Jeremey
@JerBearPittsburgh
Hi, Jeremey. I think that one of the biggest challenges today is access to ALL the opinions of ALL the people in the universe through the internet. The thing that keeps me sane and content is that I allow everyone to have an opinion in my life, and I choose not to let their opinions impact my own free thought. I remain calm and confident that I am living my life in a meaningful way, and somehow I've learned to let that be enough. We can't always influence others, because there is so much information out there to consider. It's a long process, but I continue to be tolerant and accepting despite all the noise, in hopes that my quiet resolve will become evident in the lives of those I care about. We all choose our own truths in this world. I hope that you and your brother find common ground over time.
@JerBearPittsburgh yeesh I am sorry I experienced racism too it's not fun I have never been so upset in my entire life and you can always block the person and stop talking to them seems like they are bad for your mental health and well being.
@JerBearPittsburgh
Influence is rarely about how ‘intelligent’ we are. As long as you understand what people want; and understand how they feel about what they want, and also why they might feel that way and want those things, then you will find you might be more able to influence their thinking. ‘People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care..’
If we are just debating others to ‘prove we are right’ but the goal is to change their minds and hearts, then we might win the debate by being right but we lose in the grand scheme of things if through our attitudes we instead cause them to entrench their (wrong) views! Intellectuals often focus too much on ‘being right’ and then wonder why no one ever listens to them, or become disheartened when no one ever seems convinced by their views. Because being right is not the same as being persuasive. Particularly with deeply held beliefs that are entangled with emotional investment (religion, politics, sexuality and gender etc). Often times their values and beliefs came from their own experiences; from culture and hardship, their minds and emotions evolved to think and feel that way throughout the entirety of their lives! Isn’t it naive for us to think then that a simple 20 minute debate will suffice to change all of that within them with our superior logic and by right of us being completely validated by our supreme collection of facts? 😂
Point is, no likes to be wrong. Everyone thinks they are right. As long as the discourse is framed in terms of opposition, in terms of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ - the minds of the participants are already primed for resistance rather than receptivity and acceptance.
If you want to influence and change their minds, start by having a dialogue instead that explores their emotions and experiences and worldviews. And do it with a view to understanding and appreciating them as human beings.
TLDR: If you just want to be right, you have a debate. If you want to change hearts and minds, start with a dialogue, compassion, understanding and acceptance.
CatsInTheCradle
