We are taking a break

@lovestruck723

Hey there, I'm sorry to hear things sound a bit bumpy.

Only *you* know what is best. I hope taking a break does help.

@lovestruck723

Hey there.

I understand you're feeling conflicted about this. You're absolutely right to say that putting in the effort and fixing how you both talk to each other can really help dig into whatever it is your partner's currently struggling with. If there's one thing I noticed about couples who think about breaking up is that they don't often talk to each other about what they're going through.

That said, it's a two-way effort. So the question is how far is he willing to go to be open with you about this? How did you guys talk about what you're both feeling about this relationship and how it's going, and how are you both responding to it?

Whether or not taking a break would help depends on the couple itself, so there's no definite answer. It's also not something me or anyone else can advise you to do.

I hope things work out for the positive!

Sorry you are going through a hard time. I hope it works out for you guys. The two year mark is usually when things get rocky if things are not doing well.

@lovestruck723

The two-year mark is usually the hardest for many couples. The loss of a spark is his impression of the relationship at its current state, but make no mistake admitting that may not just be how he feels at the moment but how he's felt for a while but hasn't been able to fully come to terms with his emotions. People fall in love because of how they feel about the other person, their experiences, interactions, intimacy, and connection. If you were to talk to him, you probably would want to ask him why he feels this way, what can be done to re-spark the relationship, and if he has any desire.

Love, by itself, is not able to keep a relationship strong. Love is more of a byproduct when a healthy relationship is functioning correctly.

His telling you that he loves you and making loving gestures only means that he still feels that way for you, but that does not fully indicate the whole health of your relationship. You made it clear in your post that communication is an issue that significantly matters in this situation.

You said it perfectly, "I feel as though we can fix our problems, but only if we both put in the effort and fix our communication." This is absolutely true. However, can you get together and talk about the situation without too much emotion, escalating the situation and ending up in a fight? Or can you sit down, talk things out, truly hear one another's point of view while respecting those points, and then come up with a path forward - perhaps actions both can take to improve things? It has to be mutual.

While taking a break, giving it space, and making it clear that hooking up/talking to other people is nice, it isn't realistic and guaranteed. A break is a break, and while it's nice to think one can place rules on the break, that is a fantasy and not reality. A break means, "Do I really want to be with this person? Am I a better person with him/her? Are our problems workable? Do I want to work through those issues with them?" It's a time to ask intelligent and well-thought-out questions and then work through each one, individually. Then perhaps together, at some point.

Taking a break has a very low success rate, because it's the end of connected communication, resolving your differences, and doing the hard work of mending what has broken between you. You'll find some people argue that a break helped their relationship, and that can happen, but in most situations, it is... as you stated, delaying the inevitable.

Your goal is always to communicate with your partner in ways that prevent resentment, ultimately ending in breaks forming or separations. However, if the resentments are high, those relationships often fail to make it because resentment is very dense and hard to get rid of. Resentments result from several unresolved issues between you.

Good luck for you both, I hope you can make it work!

Thank you all for responding. I actually posted this question in another section and gave more details. For anyone who is wondering he actually came back 5 days after we agreed to take the break, apologized and said that he missed me and wanted to work on things. The break has been beneficial for us because we were both able to gain some perspective and realize what we needed to do in order to better ourselves and to make the relationship better. We are still taking time apart to work on things but l'm happy that he realized he was making a mistake. If anyone is going through something similar my advice is to take the time to self reflect and work on your goals.