What about me

I recently had my 1st official day of college yesterday. Interestingly enough, I didn't think I would make friends as fast as I did, I never really was the type of person to be incredibly social or have many friends. I've always had a very close-knit group of friends that I made later on as I got older but never as fast as I had made these friends.

It kind of had me feeling a little overwhelming. I didn't know what to do or really what to say. But once I sat down and started talking to him, I automatically was able to fully discuss things that we had in interest in common, we talked about life. We talked about philosophy. We talked about our favorite topics in college. Regarding our dreams, we talked about things that we love things that we talked about books that we enjoyed. It was great, and then it hit me that I never really was this type of person to find my comfort zone and really fit in anywhere. I never really saw myself fitting in with family, and I know I never did. I was always kind of the odd one out. I always kind of felt isolated like. I wasn't good enough to really be around the people that I was wrong even though they were family fast forward to starting school. I was very quiet and isolated.

I always felt like as if i Wasn't enough i wish tried to find Myself in a category of the people that I could be around in school.I align myself with people that I saw myself in the same level , with academic wise people that were also very shy and quiet and people who were more social and lively

It really confused me because I didn't understand these different types of dynamics.I remember coming home and telling my mom that I didn't really know if I made friends and she kind of looked at me and said, what do you mean?You don't know if you made friends and I told her , I don't think i'm like everybody else and i'm okay with that , butIt really confused me because I didn't understand these different types of dynamics. I remember coming home and telling my mom that I didn't really know if I made friends and she kind of looked at me and said, what do you mean? You don't know if you made friends and I told her, I don't think I'm like everybody else and I'm okay with that, but I don't get it.

When I started my teen years, I fell through a really bad depression. State life had completely flipped upside my head at such an early age, I thought it was over, and I accepted that I started to befriend everyone people that I met in class, anyone I sat next to I started talking with them and really hanging out with them, I really got to know them their personal lives, their stories here, their fears. And I never want to judge them even when things got bad with me. And some of those people, I still never judged anyone, because those were people that I turned to in my times of unsure and also learned a lot about Finding my place, I always assume that I would just be a floater friend as I can fit in with anyone, but I also don't really belong either.But i'm down for anything simple hangout shopping trips just going out to eat venting homework name it id love to

The next year I began to isolate myself after high school, worst decision ever. But it also helped me take a step back and really learn myself. I've talked about my isolation period during this. But I never talked about what I personally went through when I came down to it, I noticed that a lot of those people that I assumed were really good. Friends, really never checked in on me and never really cared that I was isolated, I kind of just became this thing in my town where people just forgot that I existed. And honestly , it had me feeling kind of relaxed , because it showed me that all of the judgment that I thought was there , all of that time that I had where I was wondering if I really belonged anywhereThe next year I began to isolate myself after high school, worst decision ever. But it also helped me take a step back and really learn myself. I've talked about my isolation period during this. But I never talked about what I personally went through when I came down to it, I noticed that a lot of those people that I assumed were really good. Friends, really never checked in on me and never really cared that I was isolated, I kind of just became this thing in my town where people just forgot that I existed. And honestly, it had me feeling kind of relaxed, because it showed me that all of the judgment that I thought was there, all of that time that I had where I was wondering if I really belonged anywhere. Wasn't actually there

By that, I mean all of the anxiety that I thought by silently being judged being scared and not fit in the truth is, you fit in anywhere.It takes a while to find people that you can share your genuine friends , but it takes a different type of soul to connect with you to not judge you and still look at you like you hung the starsBy that, I mean all of the anxiety that I thought by silently being judged being scared and not fit in the truth is, you fit in anywhere.It takes a while to find people that you can share your genuine friends, but it takes a different type of soul to connect with you to not judge you and still look at you like you hung the stars.\By that, I mean all of the anxiety that I thought by silently being judged being scared to not fit in the truth is, you fit in anywhere, it takes a while to find people that you can share your genuine friends, but it takes a different type of soul to connect with you to not judge you and still look. At you like you hung, the stars socializing is terrifying, Socializing is terrifying

But that small little interaction gave me hope for the rest of college and also probably growing.My friend group after life completely fell apart on me again.I wasn't disappointed but I was also really shy.I didn't notice how quickly I was laughing and becoming friends with someone.He immediately noticed and stopped me and said you're blushing

I stopped and I said, sorry, I just didn't realize how much I missed connecting with people I didn't realize how easy it was to talk to people again. I'm still kind of in this isolation period but I'm also not in this isolation period as high school ended, and I'm not the same teenager as I was then I am currently 24, but this helped me realize that things get better, they always do and they always have been After Discussing with that small group of friends that I talked with.I have better hope for what's next

I don't find myself asking the what if or what about meI don't find myself asking the what if or what about me? I'm at the point in my life where now's the time to learn from your mistakes continue growing make friends an enjoy life while I have.It will still healing from what I didn't break