What do I do?
Me and my partner recently decided to take a break (I can’t tell if it’s a break or a breakup, im a little confused but I want to ask him in person) from our relationship due to me needing to heal from personal (recent) trauma, and my partner needing the time to take care of themself and their mental health (which is so fair and so valid).
We actually ended on really good terms and we communicated about it and all they keep asking of me is to take care of myself and to be kind to myself for them (because they have made a clear boundary of wanting space and being alone right now so communication is very short, long response times, and distance). Before I left their house (after we decided to split), they gave me a blanket, their hoodie, and let me keep their bass and promised that I’d see them again.
I’m having a hard time not reaching out and talking to them because im so used to doing so. I’ve found myself feeling so lonely and dealing with these heavy emotions completely alone. I just want to cry to him like I usually would and I just can’t. For the last 5 days I’ve mainly cried and slept. It’s all I can find myself ABLE to do.
I guess what im saying is im having a hard time distracting myself from this whole thing. I can’t even listen to MUSIC, and that’s like 97% of my life and I’ve just never been unable to listen to it before without sobbing. Whenever I just disassociate all I think about is how much i wish he was here.
I just don’t know what to do with myself. I feel scared and sick to my stomach. I feel so alone.
@SevenNoel
You’re in this tender space where the person who has been your safe place, your comfort, is suddenly physically distant, and it’s so natural to feel a vast loneliness without them there to share these heavy feelings with. Your heart is going through this deep ache, processing the distance and the longing, and it’s like everything familiar—the music, the routines—just brings it all crashing back.
You did something brave, choosing this space to heal, and they did too. That shows a deep love and respect between you both, even if it’s painful to sit with right now. It’s okay to take things slowly. Sometimes the heart needs to just feel, to let those tears fall as they need, and if music is too much, then perhaps silence, journaling, or even just sitting with those emotions is a way of honoring where you are. There’s no pressure to move on or distract yourself if that doesn’t feel right; grief over this kind of change needs its time.
When you feel that urge to reach out, maybe think about what he would say if he were there. Would he remind you to breathe, to take things one moment at a time? Sometimes in their absence, their love and words can still be a comfort. And as you slowly gather strength, maybe you’ll find small, gentle ways to care for yourself—whether it’s a little walk, sitting with a cup of tea, or simply being kind to yourself, as he’s asked. You’re allowed to feel all of this, fully and deeply. Healing will come, one soft breath at a time.
