What would you do?
So my parents recently broke up and dad told my mom that he was moving out because of that mind you that was more than a month ago and he is still here. The thing is if he were to move out I could have gotten my own room which I was really excited about. I talked to my mom and we now both feel like my father is moving anymore since my parents aren’t as mad anymore. But I really wanted my own room but I know that it’s hard to find affordable rent houses/condos right now plus he works 24/7. It would be inhumane to just kick him out because I love him. But if I’m being honest I still want him to leave because I want my own space I know it’s selfish…
What would you guys say/do to my dad if you were my mom
@limegreenShip6945
I feel for you. I'm guessing you're in your mid to late teens. When I
was about that age my parents were splitting up and I ended up in a parentified role where I was arguing with them and making decisions about the household. I should have never been put in the position to even have opinions about who moves out or what happens to the house, and it really hurt my relationship with both of
my parents. It's not fair to you to be forced into this role either and I'm sorry your parents can't reach a decision and have to make things messy and confusing for everyone.
In the short term you probably just want the stress to
end and to not come home to an awkward, tense nightmare every day that
is just waiting to break out into a fight. If there's something in this situation that you really need to fight for to protect your safety or your physical/mental health, then do what you have to. (Like for example I fought for my mom to stay in the house because I didn't want to live with my dad but also didn't want to cut myself, my mom, or my sibling off from our friends and support system among neighbors). If you don't have something like that and it's really just about having a bigger room, that's not worth harming your relationship with your dad over even if it sucks right now and this seems like an easy solution. If you push too hard you'll end up saying or doing things you can't take back. Try to remove yourself as much as possible and let the situation play out, even if it's hard to pull away.
You're almost an adult, and in a few years at most you will be able to have your own place with a lot more privacy. Just focus on yourself, work hard in school and a job so you can save up for a place to live, and spend time with friends or out doing hobbies away to keep your mind off of home until you can get out.
To clarify, just because it happened that way doesn't mean it's right or fair that I had to even push for my mom to stay in the house. It really was not correct of my parents to let it happen that way.
My parents should have been able to talk calmly like adults and come to the obvious conclusions on their own that a) my sibling and I would most likely choose to live with our mom as she was the more involved parent and b) removing us from our friends would add extra pain and heartbreak on top of the stress and life changes associated with the divorce. Unfortunately they couldn't seem to do that without having to get me involved.
@JackalopesExit sorry that you had to go through that exhausting experience with your parents no child deserves that and also thank you for the advice.
My parents broke up because in my opinion my father was becoming worst bf and times was just getting tough. Even my dad said he was gonna leave my mom told me she, me and my little sister was staying because she owns the house that we stay in. He started packing but then the day after he just stopped hasn’t packed a bag since. I understand that I should just be patient because I am in my mid/late teens and I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my dad. But also lots of love to my sister but I really don’t like sharing a room with her, so I left and our living room doesn’t really have living room decorations and it has a mattress so I’ve been staying in there. I’m so grateful for the roof over my head seriously and the fact that o can sleep on a mattress but I’m really bummed that my dad isn’t moving because it felt like my house could finally be semi normal yk being a silly teenager and experiencing myself with my room. I just wish there more rooms space and privacy. And though I do see friends and have extra circular activities after school sometimes I can’t do them because my mom car doesn’t work so we rely on my dad and uber and my dad is usually busy if it’s not 6 pm. Before they broke up years before they said we were gonna move but we never did so after my dad said he was leaving I knew we were gonna stay in the place I live now prob until I graduate but I was happy because I thought things were gonna change but they didn’t. I feel though still I should just be patient and just leave once I graduate like you said I’m planning to go to college out of state to catch a break and gain independence too. Seriously my apologies for the rant and thank you for listening.
@limegreenShip6945
Sharing a room with a sibling is tough especially at older ages, I definitely understand your frustration there 🙁 wanting privacy and space is totally normal and understandable. It also sucks feeling like you're missing out on rites of passage and normal life experiences that most people get to partake in.
All you can really do is make up for it extra hard when you're an adult and out on your own. Sometimes when we feel like we don't get to fully experience a phase in our youth, it comes back extra hard in adult life when we can do what we want to without having to please others. I was fortunate to have my own room and space, so for me it looked more like embracing hobbies and interests in my 20s that I'd been bullied and socially discouraged out of in my teens. Except with adult money this time 😅
I did the same thing re: out of state college. It was worth it to distance myself from the emotional fallout of my home. I will just warn you though, out of state tuition is a real pain in the rear. Start looking for scholarships now, and get in touch with admissions and financial aid departments of schools that interest you to find out if there's any waivers or grants you might be eligible for. I unfortunately had to pay a lot my first two years but in the last two years of my B.A., a professor who happened to be on a scholarship committee told me about a whole list of grants that not a lot of people apply to and one of them happened to be an out of state waiver which was a lifesaver. The most straightforward way to deal with it is to live independently for a year on moving to your new state. That usually means having a job, an address that isn't student housing, not having parents claim you on taxes etc. Jumping straight into independence like that is not for everyone though and at 18 I wasn't ready for it, so I had to keep things with my parents just good enough to have them support me with tuition and housing till I could get on my feet.
Good luck to you and I hope everything works out as well as it can!