When are good intensions not enough?
I never have any intentions of disrespecting or hurting my significant other. Sometimes I get distracted (I have ADHD) or life gets in the way and things don’t always go as anticipated.
Her father passed away the other evening and she texted late in the evening to tell me. Leading up to this she said to me that very same morning that she wanted/needed some space to deal with her dying father. With that in mind and getting her message late that evening about her dad, I replied with condolences and offered her anything I could to be there for her. I didn’t hear anything back. Waited up until 12:30-1:00 am and just couldn’t keep my eyes open and fell asleep.
True to Murphy’s law she texts me at 1:40am to let me she got home from the hospice (which I didn’t know she had gone to). 1/2 hour after that she texted that she guessed I was asleep.
I didn’t get these messages until 4:30am to which I replied right away. I guess she was disappointed because I wasn’t there for her when she needed. Although I feel terrible for not being available I don’t feel that I did anything wrong in the sense of being deliberately unavailable. I care about her deeply but to her this was a case of me not caring enough which has me a bit upset because I know it isn’t my intention.
This is just one instance of me supposedly not being caring enough to which I don’t agree. I can’t say for sure if I’m not seeing or missing something. I’m starting to think I have issues that I can’t perceive feom another persons perspective. It’s a comment my ex wife used to
come up with occasionally and even during therapy I had a therapist tell me that good intentions are not enough. Can anyone help me make sense of this?
@1in8billion
what is it that she expected ? you stay up all night in case she texted ?
i think you acknowledged her text with condolences ........and expected she would need some time to figure things out................of course in that situation she may have not realized that most people would go to sleep if lets say they had to work or school etc the next day.....
i think hollow good intentions is what the therapist might have meant. people who say "IF you ever need anything"........ but seriously do not expect anyone to take them up on it..... This was not the case here....
if she had said I am at hospice heading home could use someone to talk to or something i am sure you would have tried to stay up ......, but doing so "in Case'" is not or should not be expected.
@1in8billion,
like she said, you were asleep. Everyone needs sleep. So why would she be disappointed?
