Where do I go from here?

It’s been about a week since me and my partner broke up. Things got heavy and overwhelming for both of us, and I started feeling her grow distant before we did. She’d say things that confused and hurt me—like questioning her feelings or mine—and I never knew what she truly meant.

I kept trying to make things feel fair and good for her, and it just makes her feel bad that I had to try. But I didn't mind really.

We'd both try to express our thoughts. But we end up hurting each other in the process. I asked her what she wants. She wants peace. And all I ever wanted was for her to be happy. Though it hurts.

In the end, she told me she never really wanted a relationship to begin with. Rather, she's not prepared. And I am currently trying to understand because of our personal lives and problems to deal with. Yet, now I keep second-guessing everything we had. The letters, the words, the love. Did any of it matter? I'd even cry just by looking at the things that would remind me of her or the stuff that she gave me. And the stuff I got her and never got to give to her yet. Not to mention how fine we were doing before another argument sparked up that led us to this kind of situation. But of course, the epitome of our problem is because of our misunderstandings that started to happen more often.

I don't know what to do, and I'm still really trying to figure out what I truly want. I just wish I was back to the night that we really enjoyed each other's company without a care in the world. But I can't bring that back now.

At this moment she doesn't want me to contact her and it's all complicated. I want to focus on improving myself but I really can't help but think of her in the process. I want to be better for her, but can I even have her again? Or maybe moving on is better? I simply can't imagine as well what I can do during this summer now that she's good as gone.

If anyone's been through this—how did you cope? How do you stop replaying everything and move forward?