Words and Feelings
My boyfriend is not very good with his words and he is a very straightforward person. There have been past arguments, whereby he said hurtful things to me, and I shared that it affecting me quite badly. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I am so extra sensitive to every words he said and yet sometimes I could be senseless in my words too. He said that he would try to be more mindful of his words but yet the same mistakes happened. I know he loves me a lot. It’s just times like this small mistakes by him really affect me a lot and I don’t know how to feel better. What make things worse is he’ll try to avoid talking about it and at the end of the argument he just apologies saying that he was wrong for saying all this stuff. I think there’s something wrong with med my communication to him or I am too sensitive, I don’t know.
@collectionofsadness
Hi there, thanks for reaching out. Responding with hurtful words isn’t acceptable and will only leave one of you feeling injured by this. It sounds like you’ve both care for one another but really need to think before it gets to this point. Do you try to sit down and discuss issues before they get any bigger? Sometimes just trying to resolve the small things can help resolve any bad feelings.
@collectionofsadness
IMO most couples have issues with communication... styles that conflict.
When it is discussed... we promise to try harder, to watch our words etc. In a disagreement some simply do not remember to monitor our words. emotions take over. It can be difficult when someone continues to make the same error again and again. The irritation is not just the words it is the same subject of words over and over again. The repetitive thing that sets me off.
Precisely… even after all of us calmed down and promised our words. Like you said emotions took over and it is hard not to let it affect me. No matter in the past, present or future, I think those words will always affect me deeply.
@collectionofsadness
It is hard to do but I have found I had to give more grace about how others communicate. we have the ability to let items fester or let them go. We can take things, words especially in the wrong way not based on intent. Somethings we take offense to others may not see the same way. Do you replay it in your head and each time you get more angry or insulted by it?
I have found a friend to run a few things past and some they have told me there are other ways to take things and they believe it could be seen as something else and not as offensive as i thought. it is important to have a non biased person as some friends only say we are right and it was awful etc...