boyfriend stressing me out
so i'm feeling really depressed and anxious rn. my (20f) boyfriend (22m) of 2 years, went out with his friends tonight, which i knew he was doing but he specifically told me he'd "have a few drinks." i should've known that was a lie bc he's said that before and ended up drinking way more. anyways he ended up barhopping and literally going to a NIGHT CLUB (never does either of these things) and he's had way too much to drink, doesn't even remember what all he's had. to make matters worse, he KNOWS this bothers me. and it annoys him bc he "just wants to have fun with his friends without getting hounded." there are plenty of other ways to have fun that don't include getting absolutely hammered. this is the biggest turn off for me and i am sick of it. he's had alcoholism issues in the past and i just don't want that to start up again. he also has pre-hypertension and has lied to me before about not drinking, although that was a few years ago. how do i deal with this? i havent left my bed the whole time hes been out. i feel like im going crazy and i just need someone to understand. i wish i wasn't so invisible to him and i wish he respected my feelings. also he keeps sending me videos of him being out partying, as if he's rubbing it in my face bc he knows it kills me to see it.
@sourdino I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It may have been his intention to have only a few. But the third drink is pretty convincing when it comes to saying, “what’s the 4th going to hurt.” He may not have the ability to be far sighted about where he is headed until the alcohol bites him again. His friends may be on the same path and encourage his behavior. He is putting alcohol ahead of his own health and ahead of his relationship with you. The awareness of consequences for his drinking are immediate for you but somewhere off in the future for him. You’re being hurt now while he can ignore the problem by hiding in alcohol. He will only change if he wants to. So your job can’t be to change him. Your job is to ask yourself what the future with him will bring for you and how long you’ll wait for change. Things may change for the better, or they may cycle between getting better and back to the same ol same old. You’re young, you have many choices.