compromise and long-term relationships in your twenties. need advice/conversation!!
hi there! i’m looking for advice and/or someone to talk to about compromise and long-term dating in your twenties.
my partner and i have been together for about five years; we started dating when i was 19. i love him very much, but sometimes i wonder if i’m not meant to be in such a long-term/serious relationship at this age (or i’m just toxic and in over my head).
i really value independence in a relationship, to the point that i hate thinking that every decision that i make affects the way he lives (does that make sense?). when we were in college, it didn’t matter too much bc we had a set way of living/could really be independent of each other. but now that we’re older, it worries me that if i want to make a big jump or do something different, he kinda has to sign off on it (and vice versa).
this is a really small, kinda dumb example, but earlier he asked if we could get a pet snake if/when we move in together. i’m not super keen on that idea, so i told him that and he was fine. but in the back of my mind, i was thinking like ‘you have to give up something you really want just to be with me and that doesn’t feel right’.
like, i know relationships are all about compromise, but at what point are you just giving up parts of yourself to be with another person? i have so much to say about this, but i guess that’s where i’ll start.
@artschoolgraduate I’ve felt that way since I’ve moved in with my partner this month. Definitely harder to make independent decisions- it feels like we are a cohesive UNIT for better or for worst. My mom warned me about this as you get older as well, so I don’t think it’s exclusively us!
Not sure what solutions we can have other than the typical generic “make sure you have alone time!” and the “have friends and hobbies outside of ourselves!”. I don’t think you are a burden or limiting them- if you were living with a roommate instead you would still have to run getting a snake by them as well! Looks like just another relationship thing that isn’t quite as fun
honestly, hearing that someone else feels this way makes it a lil easier 😭 and that’s such a good point about the roommate!
for me, it’s just weird being part of a unit right now. i keep thinking about living completely different lives but staying together, but it feels like having my cake and eating it too. maybe that’s a sign that i should have a conversation with my partner.
thank you for responding!!!