growing up sucks

@passionateBirch4002

i’ve been so confused with my own thoughts and feelings lately. my boyfriend of almost three years (we've broken up before but got back together just recently) is the most amazing person i’ve ever met.

Dear Beloved,

Congratulations on your patch-up again. I am happy for you that you love and admire him so much.

i truly love him with my entire heart, soul and being, but i know we don’t belong together. we have very different plans for our future, and long distance is not something that would work for us. i know we would have to break up in about a year, and it shatters my soul. 

I can feel your pain. This is the ultimate reality of your relationship. You are already aware of the difficulties in advance. This will lessen the pain when the time comes to separate. Please do not feel sad about it. It is something that will protect both of you from the pain of being together throughout your life.

You both have different desires and plans for your lives. In the future, if you do not purposefully choose to part ways, your choices may begin to hurt each other. Both of you have made wise decisions.

Love is not about one circumstance; it is about being happy with your partner in every circumstance. Sometimes, to be together, we have to make big and many sacrifices. Those sacrifices may also lead to guilt, sadness, and stress in the relationship.

i know for sure that if i start preparing myself now i won’t be that heartbroken and will be able to move on a lot faster when it does happen,

You are thinking in the right way. Doing it will protect you from immense emotional pain during a sudden break-up. Learning to live without being dependent on him will help you go through the actual break-up. It is an emotionally healthy step.

We should not attach ourselves too much to people who are not meant to stay with us forever. It will cause suffering only to us, not to others. Because we never know how much it will impact others.

We should be responsible for our emotional health. People come and leave; not everybody is meant to stay forever. We cannot keep on hurting ourselves throughout our lives. We must learn to be our own support system. You have the power. I believe in you. If you could live without him in the past, why not this time?

We have to accept reality. After all, it is our choice to part ways to prevent conflicts in the relationship.

but at the same time i want to live today, i don’t want to think about leaving him in a year, i want to love him now without teaching myself not having him in my life ever again. i hate this part about growing up. 

It is a painful phase. But if you do not do it now, you will have to suffer more in the future. Doing it will protect you from future pain.

It is like choosing between suffering now or suffering even more later. It is always ideal to be prepared for something that can disturb our emotional health. You are not doing anything wrong. You are being practical and wise to prevent yourself from future pain.

i just love him, i really dont know what i’m supposed to feel

There is no doubt that you love him. But he is not the only part of your life. There are other angles too. You have to take everything into account. You cannot rely only on one side of life.

Life includes so many other things that must align as well for a relationship to be successful. Love alone cannot help a relationship survive successfully when we know that we have different paths to follow in the future.

You are on the right path, and what you are feeling is a sign of wisdom.

@passionateBirch4002

It is so valid to feel unsure, after all you have been with your boyfriend for along time. No one knows what the best thing for a relationship is. I'm so sorry about the heartbreak but just know that it's also not forever. Time does heal and I can see that you feel a difference in futures - i.e not belonging together. You're not alone and if you ever want to discuss more into how you feel, the community here on 7 cups is to support you ❤️❤️