i don’t know how to be consistent.
l've been struggling with providing and delivering for my girlfriend. it's constantly a problem where when a problem comes up, it's in the very last moment where i finally decide to let out all of the feelings i've been holding in and i turn one thing into something else. i also struggle with meeting her delivering standards like just generally being there for her and talk to her, and not make her feel Like she's something to forget about so easily or a lower priority. i feel like she wants me to approach things more calmly and stuff. but i have messed up a lot in the past like when we got into arguements, i would refollow people i agreed to not follow and i even added my blocked ex which i regret so much. i just feel like such a failure and ill never change. i want to be better and i want to be preset. i want to change my inconsistencies and i don't wanna always be saying "im trying" i want to say i AM. i dont deliver the way i should and im extremely inconsistent and when i apologize i always say "you this you that" instead of what i did and what i need to do and i keep doing the same things. i want to change but i dont know how to. i need help to be better.
@tallKitten2034
Oh my, you are struggling with yourself and your girlfriend..
Talking to listeners and therapists can give you tools to be more successful in your relationships and life.
Take care!🌟
@tallKitten2034
Have you gotten to the bottom of your issues with GF. it is more than the symptoms you describe.
I feel the deflecting in a fight of "well you did this" or refollowing people or connecting with someone they want gone or doing anything a partner has asked us not to do is showing defiance.
I know issues in a relationship are hard because we may think our partner knows or should know what we want... if a partner needs a checklist or directions, it says we are not important. But we also need to be open to remind or talk about what we need not just hold it against partner that they cannot read our mind.
Showing up is not hard if you really want to remember details and do it. Doing something unprompted..... remembering some story or detail from conversations means a lot.
Being present and honest about what both want and about things we are not good at ...is a good start. and seeing deflection and defiance is counterproductive.
Growth and making amends is a sign of maturity. It's sometimes not easy to apologise and accept blame, it can make us embarrassed or feel defensive or foolish.
But it also makes us feel grown up to accept responsibility when we mess up and that will also give us peace of mind. I confessed I did not do or say the right thing and I'm glad I admitted it and I want to make it right.
Instead of letting things reach a boiling point, make a point to say, every week or similar, let's make a point to block out distractions and check in with each other, what is on our minds? We'll take turns and support each other.
If it also helps, jot down some notes. Instead of You did........ Start with I acknowledge to you that I...... and keep writing I, instead of You, practice taking accountability for your actions.
Apologies are good but if it's not followed by better behaviour, it will tell the person, I'm just going to carry on not learning from my past errors and disregard your feelings and hope you'll stick around but I know I'm being reckless with your heart.